The Outsiders

The term, "an outsider's perspective" has often been used to identify the fact that many times we are too steeped inside a situation to really see it clearly.  I do agree that an outsider's perspective can come in quite handy when a person has become too weak to see reality for what it is.

But there is another angle of an "outsider's perspective" that I'd like to challenge.  I call it the "outsider's judgement."  Because we all do it.  Because there's no way we can't.  Because that's just the way life is.  And because you can't be personally acquainted with every single person that you come into contact with.  Judgements are necessary.  The Bible invites us to judge for ourselves.

Why don't you judge for yourselves what is right?  Luke 12:57

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.  John 7:24

What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church?  Are you not to judge those inside?  1 Cor. 5:12

There are also a lot of verses about NOT judging so it might seem confusing.  But I don't believe that the Bible is inviting us to judge others, but only to judge for ourselves.  This is a necessary skill as we need it to make good decisions in our life.  For example, if something is affecting you or your family, you would need to make a judgement call on whether you want that influence in your life or not.  That's fair.  Although in many instances, our method of judging, from the outside, is not exactly fair.  But in all reality, there is not much we can do about it since we don't have eternity to explore the intimate details of every situation and person.  We just have to do the best with what information we have.

At this time in my life, because of the turns my life has taken, many people, from the outside, have made a lot of judgements about my situation.  And I'll be honest, from the outside, it doesn't look good.  I know that.  But it doesn't bother me because I'm on the inside and I know what I know.  Those that are intimately connected to my life are invited to learn the details, and those that have, actually seem at peace with my life choices and they have not abandoned our friendship or my family.

Others, who have not spent time in conversation with me, have made some judgements about my life and have determined that I am either some greatly misguided sinner or not worth their time and they have abandoned their friendships with me.  I don't worry too much about them because there's nothing I can do about it, short of writing some personal autobiography with every detail in my life and forcing them to read it.

So here's the trouble I'm having, though: Some of those "outsiders" are treasured friends.  And so their disassociation is actually hurtful.  Am I allowed to "judge" them for their actions?  In a way, I think I am.  But to judge their character and proclaim my judgment to others would be wrong.  That much I know (but have also messed up on).  But to judge, for myself, I am allowed to do, because I need to know who I can trust and who I can't.  If they have been hurtful to me, I can choose to let them know that their actions or judgements have been unfair.

But what happens if they don't appreciate the expression of my heart and continue to keep a distance from me, never asking me what actually took place in my life, but just making up their mind from a distance?  Well ... then I let it go.  Nothing to do.  I'm not going to force them to listen to my story.  It's not that important to me that people "understand" me.  I don't need to be redeemed in the eyes and minds of others because I know that I'm redeemed in the eyes and mind of Christ.  I know plenty of other followers of Jesus, and even Jesus, Himself, that were misunderstood by others.  I'm okay because I know who I am and Who I serve.

But I do want to suggest one perspective for those that are still lingering on the outside:  Before you make a decision about a person and then make a statement about their emotional, spiritual or mental health, please speak directly to the person about whom you are passing judgment.  Many of those judgements actually make their way back to the person being discussed and then it makes you appear unloving, misguided, and rather foolish.

I have had others doubt my actions over the last year and boldly cast judgement on me, even in my presence.  When they're done condemning me, I sometimes let them in on the truths of the last year and then they're embarrassed.  Other times, they enter into conversation with me and share their concerns and ask me to consider their perspectives.  Either way, conversation is key in maintaining a relationship and preserving unity in the Body of Christ.  Without it, we are left to the perspectives of the world and that's actually sad and something to grieve.

I'm not saying we all have to agree.  There is no reason why we all need to be at the same place in our spiritual walk.  But by opening lines of communication we can be an encouragement to others and they to us.  And in that way, we can fulfill the purpose of the body of Christ so that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another.  And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. (1 Cor. 12:25-26).

Since disunity is so often caused by lack of communication and misplaced judgments, I would like to pray that God mends those broken relationships and brings us all into unity in Him.