Tuesday, May 24, 2016

stillness

Do you ever feel like you can't keep up with certain things?  Like household tasks and responsibilities seem to be stacking up faster than you can complete them?  Every now and again I feel that way.  But I suppose that I never really take the time to reflect on why that happens.  I just push through it and say goodbye to sleep while I play catch-up.  And then I'm good for a while.

Tonight I decided I wouldn't sleep until I got caught up in several areas of my life and so it's past 10 o'clock and I'm not even close to resolving the mess.  I still have quite a bit to do and probably won't go to bed until about midnight.  But as I went out to the front porch to clean up the shoes that had stacked up out there, I heard the rocking chairs quietly inviting me to sit for a spell.  So I thought, Sure, why not?  Just for 5 minutes.  I figured it was just a place to sit for a bit.  I had no idea that I would be surrounded by stillness, quietude and restoration.


That's not actually a picture of me.  I just found it online.  But I liked it because that's exactly how I am sitting, with my legs up on the railing, in the dark (yet with a computer on my lap).

As I rest in this rocker, the warm night air seems to envelop me in a sympathetic embrace.  The melody of the chirping crickets is complimented by the harmony of the croaking frogs.  The bugs at a distance dance around the glow of the street lamp in time with the night music.  And every now and again, a restless fly whizzes by.  I can't see him in the dark but I can hear him and feel him as I try to swat him away.  The trees stand quietly, surrounded by shadows, as a hint of a breeze sneaks past them, ruffling their leaves in the most gentle way. The sidewalks are vacant and the concrete is still mildly warm from the sun beating down on them earlier today.  I haven't seen a single car pass by in the entire 20 minutes that I've been out here.  But I have seen one shadowy figure walk down a driveway, a few houses down, carrying a small box.  My neighbor's shades are drawn but I can see a faint silhouette moving across the room.  I wonder if they have any idea how this night air can make a person get all poetic.

I like how everything is black and white in the dark.  I love how it is only in the path of the light that I can observe and register the colors.  I see varying shades of green in the trees that are spotlighted by the street lamps.  I see grey asphalt and yellow street lines.  I see a haze of purple across the sky, remnants from what I'm sure was a stunning sunset.  It is all so peaceful and restorative and I'm so glad I took the time to sit here, if only for half an hour.  I am trying to absorb as much of this stillness as I can because I know what is waiting for me inside.

My heart is quite content.  I have everything I would need in this moment.  And yet, I can't help but wonder what it would feel like if Jesus, Himself, was sitting in the rocker next to me.  I turned the rocker towards me a little bit and registered the emptiness of the chair.  Can you imagine?  Can you even imagine taking a work break with Jesus, resting in the rocking chairs, listening to the symphony of frog and crickets and lights and colors and shadows and breezes?  Would He put His legs up on the railing like I do?  Would He hold my hand as we rocked, in silence?

I have a lot of things I would like to say to Jesus.  But in these moments of rest, I'm quite content to just sit in His presence and breathe.  The idea of such restfulness puts a smile on my face because it has already taken place.



Sometimes... being with Jesus is just being aware of His presence, acknowledging His gift in the beauty that surrounds us.  And sometimes that's enough.  Tomorrow He'll teach me something new.  But tonight - right now - He just wants to sit with me.  And that's just lovely.

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