confidence vs arrogance

This topic of having confidence versus being arrogant has been weighing heavily on my mind for the last couple of weeks. This morning, I felt a strong push to finally address it and write about it.  I opened my computer and sat down but suddenly had a craving for some kefir.  (Yeah, it's weird stuff; I tried it last night for the first time.  It's a dairy-based probiotic beverage I'm using to try to target a gut problem and apparently this helps.)  I glanced at my iPhone sitting on my kitchen counter as I pulled down a glass, and noticed the verse-of-the-day (votd) glowing on my lockscreen.

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

I abandoned my kefir-pouring and picked up my iPhone to reread the verse.  My first reaction was, "What the heck?  Did this verse just undermine my entire blog post for today?"  I'm sitting here, trying to address the idea of over-confidence leading to arrogance and the votd just happens to pop up, encouraging us to BE confident?  Well, shoot.  Thanks for nothing.



But after drinking some of my weird beverage, I reread the verse a couple more times.  And that's when I noticed the key phrase "God's throne."  But I'll get to that in a minute.

So here's the crux of what I wanted to say today (supported, by the way, by the votd):  There is a fine line that we walk sometimes, between being confident in our faith and being arrogant.  Our faith in God is a gift that aids us in all of our journey, but when we define faith as "our" faith, a sharp turn is made toward arrogance.

The definition of confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something.

The definition of arrogance is having an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities. 

I have been guilty of arrogance as of a late, and I'm even ashamed to write about it.  But for the sake of God's forgiving grace, I share my testimony in an effort to spare you from my same mistakes.

You see, I believed that my walk of faith was being somewhat targeted and so I dug in my heels, firm in my decision to walk boldly wherever God led me.  But by digging in my heels, I neglected to depend on God's gift of faith which often results in helpful insights for navigating the current situation.  The more I was told to "take your time" or "don't rush in," the more I wanted to stand in the faith that had been shaped by my history with God.

But I never stopped to consider how my bold walk could impact those around me or how they would view God's direction as a result of my profession of faith.  And this is where the votd plays in.  The verse states that we are to confidently approach "God's throne."  It doesn't say that we are to impose our confidence on those around us and expect them to just fly with it.  It doesn't say we should disregard the perception of others just because we trust God. Trusting God is a must for our own personal walk but to force others to accept it is just arrogance.  It's saying, "I know what I'm doing.  Don't try to shut me down."  Did you catch the "I know" phrase?  That's a lot different than "God knows."

And it's certainly okay to firmly state that we trust God and we won't be moved.  But that's not what I had been saying with my actions.  I was saying that since I knew God had led me, then I didn't need to worry about the details and ain't no one gonna force me to worry about them.  To approach God's throne with confidence would take me to an entirely different place of submission and reverence and humility and enable me to allow Him to lead, even in the details.  God's throne is where I go to meet with Him, hand over my authority to Him and stand in His grace and mercy.  It is a place I can visit with confidence because I know, for certain, that He will equip me to represent Him properly, by His grace, not by my determination.

And after I've met with Him, He has more influence over the way I walk in this faith.  In other words, He can show me how to represent Him respectfully, without offending others with my boldness.   He can continue to shine out of my heart as I continue to wait on Him.  And He can pad my attitude with patience so that I don't get antsy when things are not moving at the pace I expect. Cause guess what?  Just because God led the way and brought me to a place, doesn't mean that the plan has been fulfilled.

To disregard any element of a steady pace is not a testimony on behalf of God's leading, but rather an attitude that can actually negatively impact other people's perceptions of God's ways.

So it turns out that "don't rush in" and "take your time" were actually instructions from God, offered through one of His servant.  But man!  I hate it when someone else is right and I'm wrong.  I'm not saying I always have to be right.  But if I'm wrong, it sure makes things a lot easier when others are wrong too and we can learn together.  I don't like being the only idiot.  Makes me feel like I still have so much to learn and that's kind of depressing.  But it's also humbling.  Cause whenever I get ahead of myself and think "I've got this," something tends to happen to knock me back down to size.  Not fun, but I accept and thank God for my lesson in humility because it is my desire that He remain at the forefront of my life and that I am less.  But I'll be honest, it's not easy to be schooled by God.  It's somewhat painful when I consider the impact that my actions may have had on others and on God's name.  But it's also hopeful.  God does not instruct and discipline me without gentleness and hope for the future; a hope that I won't be such an idiot in the next time...

In any case, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to God and I'm sorry to those who may have been misled about God's authority in my life as a result of my actions.  And I am now hoping that God will set things straight again.

letting God lead

I've heard many people talk about how God has "led" them or directed them or "told" them what to do.  I, too, have experienced God's leading and have often made comments about how God guided me into a particular direction.  It's not an uncommon thing for followers of God to testify to His leading. But when you take a path that doesn't seem natural to the onlookers, skeptics will ask fair questions like:  Well, how do you know that God led you there?  How does He speak to you?  Are you sure it's God and not your own heart?  How can you tell the difference?

There will be a lot of questions even from those who already walk with God, and have heard His voice too.  But unless you can give them an answer, skeptics will continue to make judgments about your life and your choices.  And I suppose that's all fine and well since we shouldn't care what others think of us anyway, right?  But what happens when we are our own worst critic?  What happens when I'm the one questioning my understanding of God's guidance and doubting His care for me?  Well, I'll tell you what happens.  I end up imploding, that's what.  I end up rejecting God's presence and direction in my life and when I do that, I deny His authority in my own life and essentially tie His hands behind His back.

1 Peter 3:15 says, Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. 

I have given this matter much thought and prayer and am prepared to give a simple answer to those that have asked me direct questions, as well to myself so that I can remain firm in my faith.

What does it mean when God speaks to me?

No, I don't hear an audible voice.  I'm sure it would be rather frightening if I did.  But one way I can explain it is to liken it to something more common, like a craving. When I was pregnant with my firstborn I had ridiculously strong cravings for grapefruit juice.  I HAD to have it.  The craving didn't go away if I ignored it; it actually got worse and worse.  It wasn't the same as a craving for a cookie after lunch.  Those kinds of minor cravings will usually disappear if you can get over the initial temptation.  No, this was intense; obviously something my body required during that time.

Sometimes God puts a craving in my spirit that I just have to address otherwise it won't go away.  Like in regard to prayer for others. I'm doing my own thing when suddenly someone is weighing heavy on my mind and heart and the desire and the direction to pray for them is strong and it doesn't go away until I pray.  The direction to pray for someone is an easy one because by praying I'm not really doing any damage so it doesn't hurt to follow what I perceive to be God's direction.

But sometimes, He leads me in a life direction and I need to know, with certainty, that He's the navigator.  And the truth is, we can never have concrete confidence because we walk by faith and not by sight.  But there are means by which to test the direction.

For example, there are times when we experience "impressions" for a direction that I would liken to an itch.  When God puts an itch in my spirit, my initial reaction, as a child of God is, "Okay God, anything for you."  But then I get my toes in the water just a bit and realize exactly what God is asking of me and that's when my sinful human nature kicks in and I back off with, "Um, on second thought, I don't think so."  But the itch doesn't go away and every time I meet with God, the itch gets stronger and stronger.  And that's how I know it's Him that is leading.  I can test this theory (and I have, an embarrassing amount of times).  I will preoccupy myself with the world's distractions (as an attempt to escape) and suddenly the direction that God had for me becomes dim and unimportant.  And I get feelings and thoughts like, "I'm sure God didn't really ask me to do that.  How silly of me to even think that God would speak to me. What a relief; I'm off the hook."  But then I return to my devotional time with God and the impression or direction comes back very firmly.

Does that make sense?  Do you understand what I'm saying?  I don't just get "impressions" and then run with them.  There is a scientific process I can use.  I test them against the perspectives of the world and compare them to the perspective of a follower of Jesus.  Because guess what?  Walking by faith is something entirely too foreign for many people, unfortunately.  And it would be helpful to have some testimony that's a bit more concrete than just "I believe."

There are some in my life that witness my bold walk of faith and they assume I am rushing into things and not being careful enough.  But here's me, asking you nicely: please do not mistake my faithfulness to God for recklessness and lack of thought.

Those that know me know that I am capable of overthinking things and trying to approach them a little more scientifically than I should.  But that's something I'm trying to fight against because it negates my statement of faith.  Because the truth is, that if I had shuffled my feet when God led me in the past, I would have an entirely different story today.  A story filled with so much more pain and regret and wounds.  I know... I remember... I can see... where my walk of faith has led me and I choose to remain faithful to God too.  When God directs me, and the impression is crystal clear when I am fasting, praying and serving, then I will move without hesitation, regardless of what others think of me.

It would just be swell, though, if those that were closest to me had enough confidence in my walk with God to not be the voice of doubt in my ears.  That would just be super cool.

devoted to prayer

I felt God inviting me, recently, to pray for a specific individual.  I thought, Sure, why not.  I like praying for people.  And I began to pray.  At first it was just every time I thought about it and then it was more often and now it's several times a day.  Seems God is really pushing for something; I don't know what, though.  But I'm a willing servant; I'll go where He leads.  

But today I started experiencing that same tie that I have felt, in the past, when I've prayed for others on a regular basis.  It's the eternal thread that connects me to the heart of another human being as I commune with God on their behalf.  That's a lovely thing but it's also a painful thing to experience a spiritual connection with someone who ends up rejecting the purpose of the prayers or even a friendship with me.  When you start to care so deeply for someone, you desire to be able to commune with them and if that's not an option, it's no fun. 

When I felt myself being pulled into a connection with this other person, it suddenly brought me to a halt.  I decided I didn't want this in my life.  I do pray for my friends, whenever they request prayer, or when I think they need it or when God brings them to mind and invites me to pray.  But to make a commitment to pray for someone on a regular basis is more serious and results in a rather strong tie to them.  And the last time I did that, there were almost zero results.  

Over a year ago, I made a very dedicated commitment to God to pray for a number of people on a daily basis.  I was no longer in the lives of these dear people, so entwining my heart with theirs made the loss and distance so much greater.  Through my prayers I learned to love them as God wanted me to love them and understanding and forgiveness became part of my thought patterns when I remembered them.  I brought them before His throne every, single day for 364 days (I skipped a day because I was angry with lack of results.) But you know what?  The actual prayers I was praying didn't seem to be answered.  And I got to the place of grief where I just couldn't do it anymore; the sadness I experienced over the loss was too great and I was too hopeless. I asked God to release me from this commitment and He graciously did.  

And now He wants me to start again?  No thanks.  That's what I told Him after I had been doing it for a couple weeks.  In addition to "no thanks" there was also a little bit of, "Why?  What's the point?  You just want to use me again?  Oh sure, use me, I'm a good little servant that does what she's told.  And then what?  I get thrown under the bus again?  You just want to use me like this for the sake of someone else when I get nothing out of it at all?  No friendship from those I pray for, no response, just prayer from a distance and they get to reap all the rewards of the prayers and I'm left all alone again?  Because praying for someone on this level really draws me into caring for them but if I'm not even in their life, how will I ever get a return on all this devotion and prayer?  So I'm just some sacrifice on some altar.  Devote myself to others with no promise of return.  Fine.  Whatever, God, I will do it because you ask me to. I don't really want to but I know you're worth it and I'm willing to work for you.  But I'm not happy about it and if there's another way around it, I would like to find it."

Yes, I'm fully aware of how angry and disrespectful I was to God and I did seek His forgiveness, but only after He revealed a painful truth about His own ministry.  

After I quit fighting and submitted my will to Him (although reluctantly), I caught a glimpse of another sacrifice that laid down His own life and devoted His days to praying for those He loved.  And you know what?  He didn't always get a very high return on His devotion.  Some responded to His selfless extension of love but the majority rejected Him.  He knew it would be that way and still He committed Himself to them.  

I realized God wasn't trying to abuse my desire to serve Him; He was trying to show me more about what it means to live like Jesus.  And for me to reject that invitation because I'm focused on my selfishness is just a disgrace to the title "servant of Christ."  

To be like Jesus means devoting my life to people who may never even return the faithfulness.  It means tying up my heart with yet another person that may never respond or never desire unity with Jesus.  It means a high probability of pain and sadness in my own already wounded heart.  

But... the promise remains.  Some people did respond to Jesus when He sacrificed Himself for them.

And so I will pray.  I will pray, unceasingly, because God obviously cares for this individual and would like me to lift them up to Him for whatever purpose.  And who knows, maybe this time, I won't be just a sacrifice; maybe I'll end up with an eternal friend too...

the right thing

Today's verse of the day caught my eye.  To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice.  Proverbs 21:3

It caught my eye because at first it didn't make sense.  Mostly because doing the "right thing" often seems like a sacrifice.  So if we're sacrificing our fun and enjoyment and recklessness in order to do right then how can this verse be applied?

I have, many times, heard the term "sacrifice" in relation to what parents do for their own children. They sacrifice their time, their needs, their clean house, etc.  Sometimes people use that word to illustrate how they give up what they want so that someone can have something instead.

But the verse said that the right thing is MORE important than the sacrifice.  But wait, it's the SAME thing!

Obviously, when Solomon used these words in his proverb, he was referring to the physical sacrifice of an animal on an alter.  But surely there are other meanings of that word; meanings that we use all the time:

"I sacrificed my figure when I had kids."

"I sacrificed my dessert so that I could get that figure back."

"I sacrificed my day off so I could help a friend move."

"I sacrificed the comfort of my toes so I could wear these awesome new heels."

In our use of the word "sacrifice" we seem to be giving something up in order to be getting something even better.  And we'll hear the words, "It was worth the sacrifice."

In fact, look at all these famous quotes about sacrificing.

A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves.  Mother Theresa

Sacrifice is giving up something something good in order to get something better.

Sweat plus sacrifice equals success.  Charles O. Finley

Wow, kinda looks like sacrificing will help us move along and succeed and get things we've always wanted.  But I believe the original intent of that word, found in the Bible, means something almost entirely opposite. (note: the earliest use of the common word sacrifice appears to have been in the 13th century latin language, derived from the translation and meaning of the Hebrew word zebach, which was used in the Bible.)  To sacrifice meant to hand over an innocent animal to be killed as an atonement for our sinfulness.  It was not giving up of ourselves for something better. It was placing our sin on something/someone that didn't deserve it at all.

In that case, our correct use of the original word might sound something like this:

"I sacrificed my neighbor and threw them in front of a bus so I could have their tv."

"I sacrificed my mailman's paycheck so that I could donate to my local food bank."

"I sacrificed my brother's freedom and he went to jail for my crime so I could continue living the good life."

Wow, suddenly the use of this word is painfully self-centered and grossly sinful.  And yet that's what I'm guessing was happening in the days when Solomon wrote that verse.  People were sinning with the promise that all they had to do was sacrifice an innocent animal and their sins would be absolved.  That seems pretty easy.  Shoot, I can go ahead and sin all day if I'm not the one paying the price for my sins.

But the purpose of this innocent sacrifice was to draw people's hearts into love and not into indifference.  It was never meant to be the bandaid that covered up everyone's indiscretions.  It purposed to draw the minds of people toward Jesus' love for us and toward the eternal significance of His innocent sacrifice.

But I feel that we have forgotten the original intent.  We have misused the word to make it about us and how noble we can be in order to obtain something even more valuable.  But it was really all about Jesus to begin with.  When did it even shift?

Keeping all this in mind makes the verse-of-the-day so much more clear:  It would be better to do the right thing than to ask for forgiveness later.  Well, duh.  I know that. And yet the organizers of YouVersion Bible app decided I needed that reminder.

And what a helpful reminder it is because I'll admit that I've considered making reckless mistakes just so that I can see what it's like to "live a little."  In my mind I thought, Oh well, it's not like it's going to ruin me forever.  God can cover a multitude of my sins.  And although God can set my feet on solid ground again, why would I do that to Him?  Why would I disregard the exceptional value of His sacrifice so that I can have my fun?  What kind of bride of Christ would I be if I used the promise of His forgiveness for my sinful pleasure?  A terrible one, that's what kind.  But I love and respect Jesus too much to abuse His goodness and grace in such a self-centered manner.

So what is the right thing to do?  In so many situations, right is relative.  So I guess my answer to that would be that the right thing to do is meet with God; pray to Him; read His word; seek His face.  After that, the right thing will look a little more desirable or easy to identify.

all I really want for Christmas

Ever since my life took a shift in course, my perspectives on what really matters also shifted.  When I walked away, I left many of the worldly things behind.  All the furniture we had collected over 17 years, and all the decor, everything I had spent years collecting and arranging and organizing.

I had gotten to the point where those things mattered so little to me.  And so it didn't really hurt to leave it all behind.  I didn't want it anymore anyway.  Even when the Christmas decorations came to mind, I couldn't see wanting to take them even though I had a killer Christmas tree decked out like one of those fancy ones at the Pottery Barn.  In my opinion, I had never had a more beautiful tree than the one that graced our living room every year.  Each ornament, glass tear drops, diamond gems, sparkling, heavy crackled silver balls, bedeazzled shooting stars, most of them individually purchased from the Pottery Barn over a period of years.  And, of course, lots and lots and lots of sparkling lights!  It was my favorite thing about the Christmas decor.  And yet, I didn't want any of it.  I wondered if maybe I was in a "nothing matters" mood and whether I would regret not taking these things with me.  But it wasn't a mood, it was a new perspective.

And I'm happy to say that the perspective hasn't changed in the last year.  All those things I left behind?  I am free of them and they don't bog me down any more.  Our current tree is small but covered in 600 lights and sprigs of berries.  The simplicity of the tree is a comfort and no longer a distraction.  And I love that.  I am so much more focused on the meaning of Christmas this year than I've ever been.  I don't have the massive amount of Christmas decor that I used to have either (only my village and my nativity; and a wreath on the door).

Every year, in the past, I would deck my halls with boughs of berries, santa soap dispensers, angel and snowman and nutcracker collections, blankets and pillows and special pictures.  And I know that many people do that and I'm not knocking it at all.  In fact, today we are visiting an old neighbor who decorates her home like an absolute wonderland.  I think it's lovely and I celebrate those that do that.  It's just not for me anymore.  All those things seemed to weigh me down and overwhelm me.  I used to get to the point (around mid December) when I couldn't hardly wait to put all the Christmas crap away and get my house back to normal.  I don't know why I found it necessary to overwhelm myself with the busy things of Christmas that had no value, to the point where it actually made me sick.  It was like I was just doing all the things I was supposed to be doing; all the things that a good homemaker does for the holidays.  But I'm so free now and I feel like a million bucks.  This is my 2nd minimalist Christmas and I'm still absolutely loving it.  In fact, I feel bogged down even with my village.  I would be happy with just a little tree and my nativity.  But I hand-painted every house in my village and I feel like that dictates that it should be meaningful or something.

So this minimalist approach to Christmas has been so rewarding.  This is the first year that I have ever felt exceptionally fulfilled during the holiday season.  I have spent more time on family and friends, building relationships and treasuring the gift of the season, enjoying the music, teaching my kids about God's sacrifice and not focusing on the gift buying.  So, if you don't get a gift from me this Christmas, it's not because I don't love you or value you, it's because I'm having a hard time seeing the value in the material things we exchange and I'd rather share an experience with you than buy you something pretty.

So many of us read the Christmas stories of yesteryear when a single gift was exchanged with someone they loved.  A gift that was thoughtful, meaningful, significant, and purchased or made with sacrifice.  Today, the kids are overwhelmed with the amount of gifts they get and it's really quite disturbing for them.  One year, Christmas was spent with a larger portion of the family, my kids started to whine and fuss, "We don't WANT to open another present!  There's too many!"  I know that sounds crazy for kids to say but it is possible to flood them with meaningless stuff and that kind of messes up their sense of true north, you know what I'm saying?

One of my most treasured Christmas memories was when my sister and I were left home alone while my parents ran an errand with our little brother.  We laid down in front of the Christmas tree and sang Christmas carols together by only the light of the Christmas tree.  I have treasured that memory in my heart for years and dreamed of someday experiencing something like that year after year.  We didn't sing in parts or anything; we were probably about 8 and 10 years old.  We were just singing and savoring each word from each carol, the sparkling Christmas tree lights shining their colorful lights on the pages of the songs.  I have seen that image in my mind about a million times and every, single time, a warmth grows in my heart and the simplicity of the moment is what brings me peace.

Peace.  Pax.  Linişte.  Pace.

No matter what language you say it in, that's what I really want for Christmas.  Yes, yes, peace on earth and all that jazz, but not just in the general sense. I want peace to reign in my home and in my heart so that wherever I go it can shine out and provide peace amidst the hustle and bustle of what this season has become for the rest of the world.

This morning, as I was writing, my daughter looked at the tree and said, "Mommy, why don't we have a star on the top of our tree?"  I told her that the star was in her heart and that the meaning of the season was not to draw our attention to what stood at the top of the tree but to Who lived inside her heart.  Sure, it might have sounded like a weak excuse for the fact that I just didn't consider a star to be that important.  But she bought it and seemed okay with it.

The only gifts I want for Christmas are the ones that remind me that Christ's peace reigns and His love covers the multitude of our mistakes this last year.  Singing christmas carols with people I love, enjoying the snow in the mountains and standing in awe of His creation, sitting by the light of the fire and reading to my kids.  These are the gifts that will last.  And I'm not just saying it; I'm absolutely serious.  These are the gifts I desire and the memories I will cherish.

Last year, I stood in a cluttered room, among boxes and things and stuff, and yet in the middle of that clutter, three of us were able to dust off our voices, add a guitar, and sing a few Christmas carols about a little baby who changed the world.  And this time we sang in harmony, too!  It was my most treasured memory from last year and the gift that has brought warmth to my heart many times over.  That memory had a greater impact on me than any material gift I received.

And that's all I want for Christmas.  Memories that will elicit reminders of peace.

Stain-resistant

My kids and I received a pack of fresh walnuts from our local farm this week.  As we were opening them up and enjoying the sweet nutty meat, I couldn't help but notice how much care God took in protecting that nut.  I called the kids over to me and said, "Check this out, guys.  See this super shell and the way the nut is so carefully packed inside it with air pockets and everything?  That means this nut is something extremely special!"

I marveled at the care God took to protect this nut and decided that maybe I didn't give nuts enough credit or something.  We often eat nuts with breakfast with fruit, but not every day.  And not every nut is delectable for my kids.  In fact, Jayden was quite sure he didn't like walnuts.  And he's right to say that some of them taste bitter.  But the value and health benefits of the nut, whether it is bitter on the tongue or not, is still in the nut itself.  My daughter and I both enjoyed one nut after another so whenever I would find an especially sweet one, I would share it with my son so that he could develop a liking to the nuts.  Cause, yeah, sometimes I get a bitter one too, but I can still taste the original flavor behind the bitterness since I've had the good ones too.

Besides, if God is going to take this much care for these little nuts, learning to love them might not be such a bad idea.

Next thing you know, I'm taking pictures of the nut and my kids are like, "Um, why are you taking a picture of a nut?"  I had to explain the spiritual significance to them because it was suddenly so obvious to me.

As I was snapping photos, my thoughts wandered to the concept of our stain-resistant skin.  Earlier last summer, my daughter pointed to a large, open lily outside our front door and said, "Mommy, if I touch that middle part, I'm going to stain my hands.  And they will be stained forever!"

I laughed and assured her that her skin would never be stained forever.  I told her that, for some reason, God made our skin stain-resistant.  There is no oil or paint or grease or crayon or marker or pen that can stain our skin.  Even super-glue and nail polish will come off eventually. (tattoos are under the skin, not on it).

As I was pondering the significance of stain-resistant skin, this verse popped into my mind:

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.  We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14

At first I was like, "Um, okay, that was an odd, random verse that just popped into my head."  I prepared to search for something else when the word "flesh" kind of stood out.

Flesh.  Isn't that like our skin?

The Word that spoke the universe into existence didn't hesitate to accept the humble form of fallen man.  He chose to become a mass of flesh.

And for the longest time I thought that Jesus was eternally reduced by becoming like one of us. And the sacrifice He made to live for eternity as part human and part divine broke my heart and made me wish we had never done something like this to Him.

But all the sudden, tonight I realize that Jesus has not been reduced.  There's no way that could happen.  He's God.  He cannot be lower than He is, which is the highest of the high.

What He did, instead, was elevate the nature of man.

We are still undeserving of such an act of eternal love, but that didn't stop Him.  He took on our form to announce our value to the rest of the universe.  Our flesh has value; not just our spirit.  He could have done all this "saving-mankind" thing in a spiritual sense.  But He totally didn't.  He went all the way, spirit and flesh and heaven and earth all came together because it is not just our spirits that have eternal value but our flesh too.  So much value that He covered it in stain-resistant skin as a sweet reminder.

For some reason, our flesh is so important, so valuable, that God gently envelops it in something that can't even be stained.  Even scars and injuries will be wiped clean when we enter into His heavenly rest.  Our flesh will be stain and scar-free forever.

But you know who won't be scar-free forever?

Jesus.

He will forever wear the scars of His sacrifice on His flesh.  It is an accepted belief that since Jesus' resurrected body maintained the scars of his crucifixion, He will have them forever (John 20:27), whereas we will have our bodies that will be perfect in heaven (1 Cor 15).

Wow, how can anyone deny that they don't have value? How can anyone deny that someone else doesn't have value?  And if every human being (covered in a layer of stain-resistant flesh) has eternal value, then why aren't we treating each other in a way that illustrates that truth?  Yes, sometimes we come across the bitter ones and we really just want to spit them out.  But if we have learned to really love all of God's creation, we will be able to detect the sweetness even among the unsweetness of each person.

It's kind of a neat, you know?  How so much of God's creation speaks about His love for humanity and His desire to live a life of love.  Even a little nut, all wrapped up in it's own kind of bubble wrap and protective casing speaks to us of our own value.  Well... it does to me, at least.

the submissive husband

I've already established that women are invited to submit to their husbands, while their trust is placed in God and it will be God that cares for them.  (See post not just a submissive girl).  I see the higher purpose and how faithful God is when we honorably submit to God's care and plan for our lives.  So if we're the submissive ones, men are the leaders, right?  It doesn't say anything about men being submissive, does it?

Guess what?  It actually does.  The Bible is not shy with examples of Christ submitting to His Father.

For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.  John 6:38

My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.  Matthew 26:39

When all things are subjected to Him, then the Son Himself also will be subjected to the One who subjected all things to Him, so that God may be all in all.  1 Corinthians 15:28

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:  Who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to His own advantage; rather he made Himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.  And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross!  Philippians 2:5-8.  

And if men are somehow to treat the women as Christ treats the church they would be required to serve and submit.  Men are to submit to Christ just as Christ submitted to God.

But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ... and the head of Christ is God.  1 Corinthians 11:3

So the words, "Husbands submit to Christ" are not written in ink but how can anyone miss Christ's example of submission to His Father and servitude towards His church?  If men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25), then by definition of Christ's character, they are to be submissive, otherwise they do not represent Christ and they are held accountable by God.  And that is a tough place to be!

As I reflected on this concept, I realized that this submission concept is not some silly thing imposed on women to reduce us or belittle us or "keep us in our place."  This is not just a random unattainable command designed to frustrate relationships and add tension to already unmet expectations.  This is the design of the heavenly realm.  And women are invited to set the example, not to be robots without a voice.  Their voice of submission is for the sake of the man, who will find it entirely more challenging to be a submissive type since he sometimes wants to rule the world.  Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives. 1 Peter 3:1.  I swear this is the first time I have ever understood the depth of this verse.  To win someone over without words is the definition of setting an example.

Women are invited to set the example because we're so awesome and if anyone can turn the heads of men, it'll be us, right?  Wow, what a sacred task we've been assigned.

But women will complain: men are so stuck in their ways, and so close-minded, and so independent and so stubborn and... and they do not treat their wives as Christ treats the church...

Yeah, all those things are just excuses to not trust God and be faithful to Him.

"Did God really say that you couldn't eat from all the trees?"  (Gen 3:1)  The original temptation the enemy used to invite Eve to question God's real intentions.  And today we ask, "Did God really say that we have to submit to our husbands?  We should look at it in context.  Maybe study it from the perspective of the Biblical societal norms and whatnot.  It doesn't mean the same thing today."

But I beg to differ.  It is the same thing and it is more relevant, today, than it has ever been.  We have been fighting God's design for centuries now, and as a result, have set poor examples for the men whose accountability to God bears such grave consequences.  As women, we are tasked with a sacred assignment and everyone will agree that it's no easy assignment.  But God places His faith in our love for Him as we place ours in Him.  He invites us to obey and trust and He richly rewards those who do so.

Men, submit to God as your wives submit to Him also.  That means that when you're lost you ask Him for directions, when you're wounded, you cry out to God, when you're angry, you seek His patience and peace.  You are not the king of your castle unless God is the King of your heart.

You can march around, all tough and strong, and command obedience, but unless you have the King's blood running through your veins, you are only an imposter and royalty is not in you.

So this concept of submission in this earthly union, that is somehow supposed to represent something heavenly, is shining a rather large light on the original sin and how we, as advocates for Christ, can testify to God's faithfulness and fairness.

And when I say "original sin," I'm not referring to the one that Eve committed, but to the one that Lucifer engineered in the heavenly realms before the creation of our earth.

God's design of authority, for the sake of caring for His created beings, was challenged by one of those created beings.  Lucifer wanted to be like God and said, I will ascend to the heavens; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of Mount Zaphon.  I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.  Isaiah 14:13-14.

But for him to challenge God's authority on that level would disrupt God's design to care for and protect everything He'd created.  It'd be like my soup wanting to be the chef.  I know, that's a silly analogy.  Because how could something I created with my own hands, suddenly try to assume the position of creator that I possess?  The absurdity of that attempt is almost laughable because the soup is inanimate and does not posses the ability to create or assemble ingredients.  And yet when Lucifer tried to do it, it was no laughing matter at all.

He decided that equality with God was something to be desired and it became his lofty goal.  He was dismissed from heaven and bound to an earth that he could rule.  Rulership is what he'd always wanted and now he got it.  But to win the hearts of God's creation with his authority would never happen.  We are created in the image of God and we have His spirit in our hearts and that spirit fights to the death to stay faithful to Him.  When Satan decided he could use deceit to lead God's people away from Him, I imagine he laughed sadistically and spat, "See how easy it is?"  He knew there was a plan of redemption for God's children but he couldn't wrap his head around how God would accomplish that, successfully.  He could not have grasped the possibility of God reducing Himself for the sake of man.  He was unable to comprehend that level of love because the creation of sin was found in him.  (Read Isaiah 14 and Ezekiel 28 to gain a fuller understanding of Satan's downfall).  But Jesus blew him away when He illustrated how equality with God was not something to aim for, but made Himself nothing.

I don't think the world accurately comprehends the staggering sacrifice that Jesus made; the tragedy that hit all of the heavenly home when He stepped down for our sake.  Greater love is incomprehensible.  He did the exact opposite of Satan.  Where Satan wanted to rise to be equal to God, Jesus stepped down from His position of authority in the name of love.

Because that's what true love does.  It lays down its very life for those over whom they lead.  This truth applies to leaders of men:  Love lays down their life for those they lead.  Love does not assume authority and command "obedience or else."  Love sacrifices its very position of authority for the sake of Love.  Love is what draws us into obedience and servitude and submission; overwhelming love for the God who gave up everything to prove to the universe that His design was created out of Love and not out of a desire to control.

If that level of sacrifice doesn't hit you in the gut, and motivate you into worship, and prompt adoration for God, I don't know what to say.

This is our testimony.  This is our chance to prove to the universe and to all created beings that God IS love and His commands ARE just and His faithfulness IS true.

And for the record, no one said it would be easy.  Many women (and men) would consider submission to be an absolute challenge and utterly exhausting.  A suffering of significant proportion, really.  But that's okay, I think we've - many times over - established that suffering for the gospel is worthwhile.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord or of me His prisoner, but join with me in suffering for the gospel according to the power of God.  2 Timothy 1:8



Oh, and don't forget that once we reach that Heavenly home, there will be no more marriage and we will all be like the angels (Mark 12:25, Matthew 22:30) and we will no longer submit to any human authority but to God alone.  He has invited us to be His example on this earth with a promise of an eternity of equality with other created beings.  Through love and acceptance of Jesus' sacrifice, I'm pretty sure we can handle the task of our earthly responsibilities.  After all, it's nothing compared to what Jesus did.

not just a submissive girl

I was thinking about Jesus' mother the other day when I was telling my kids the story of the birth.  I have read them the Christmas story many times, from many different books, but this time I just told them the story and we talked about it together.  As a result, many new realizations came to light. The thing that stood out the most for me was how trusting Mary seemed to be.  My kids and I discussed whether we would be capable of so much trust and faith and submissiveness.  I think we came to the conclusion that we probably might not be.

Mary accepted God's work without really giving it a lot of thought.  She didn't listen to what the angel said and then respond, "Okay, I hear what you're saying but I'm going to need to think about this for a while.  Can you give me a few days?"  She didn't stop to consider the rejection she would receive from the village because of a pregnancy out of wedlock.  She didn't stop to consider how this would affect her family and their standing in the community, or her future husband and how it would dishonor him.  She didn't stop to consider the fact that they were incredibly poor and wonder how they would ever fund an education for the King of the universe.  She didn't even stop to consider what the angel meant when he said Jesus would be the Savior of the world.  So many of the disciples needed so much instruction on understanding the purpose of the Messiah, so how would Mary, a young girl, have understood that?

I'll be honest, it doesn't sound like she gave this the appropriate amount of deliberation, but was rather submissive and compliant, instead. Is that why God chose her?  Is that why she was so highly favored?  Because she didn't put up a fight?  Maybe God knew, ahead of time, that she would be submissive and that's why He chose her.  But that can't be right.  God doesn't seem to make a habit of choosing the compliant ones.  When Sarah learned she was going to have Isaac, she laughed.  When Zechariah learned his wife would have John, he doubted.  When Jonah got the call to go to Nineveh, he refused. When Elijah was told to confront Jezebel, he ran away and hid.  When Moses was invited to speak for Israel, he claimed a speech impediment.  See?  God's people aren't always compliant and easy to work with.

Did Mary really understand all the ramifications of raising the Savior of the world?  I highly doubt it. She was young, inexperienced, and uneducated in the ways of the world.  She was a mere child. So then, why Mary?  Why did God choose her?  Was it just because she was a gentle, little girl that would be quick to submit?

Yes, I think that's it.

Now before you get all worked up, here me out.  Mary was submissive, she was compliant, she was willing to serve, to please, to be used.  I believe she was all those things because Mary understood something that so few of us actually understand.  She understood that serving the King of the Universe was an honor.  She may not have known what this life would hold for her.  She probably didn't consider all the struggles they would encounter.  She just knew that to serve the King was a privilege far greater than anything the world could offer.

I believe her submission was set to be an example for all women, for the remainder of earth's existence.  It was to be the spotlight that would shine on different periods of history in an effort to expose the deterioration of the woman's privilege.  Oh dear, it sounds like I'm saying that serving is a privilege and that the act of submitting is a thing to protect and work towards.  And this kind of talk is just nuts and shouldn't be spoken in this day and age of women's liberation and suffrage and all things feminist.  Equality for men and women is all the rage now.

And yet...when God created His people, He created them with the desire to serve Him.  They were placed in the garden to serve His creation, to care for it, to tend to it, to create families and continue to serve God by inviting their children to know Him and love Him too.

Our society has reduced the beauty of servitude to a position of lowliness and humiliation.  But Jesus - the Savior of the world and Creator of all people - tried desperately to restore His intention and stepped out against society's norms to serve His disciples and even wash their feet.  I don't think we can comprehend how offensive that was to so many of them.  It probably rattled them on levels we can't even grasp.  And what a bold thing to throw out at them right before the most horrific night of their lives?  But Jesus was desperate to reeducate them; His time was running out.

Jesus was eager to teach them that submission and servitude was a sacred privilege, not a burden.  A privilege motivated by extreme love and devotion.  I believe Mary knew this truth.  She knew what it meant to love God.  How?  I don't know because the Bible doesn't say anything about her upbringing.  But something about her heart was open and receptive to God's love and her desire to serve Him was evidenced in her response to the angel.  "I am the Lord's servant."  Luke 1:38.

If only....

If only women stopped fighting for equality...

If only they realized that the devil, himself, was physically kicked out of heaven because of his fight for equality with God...

If only they accepted that God arranged a hierarchy for a sacred purpose...

If only they embraced that purpose and set an example for their children when submitting to their husbands...

If only they could teach their children that women are not below the men, but instead they have a sacred purpose to reveal an eternal truth to all humanity and to the universe...

If only they trusted that their all-loving, all-caring Creator and Lover would be the ultimate authority and protector of their hearts and lives...

... then there would be many more Mary's in this world.  And God's message of love and redemption would have avenues through which to flow and reach a world filled with hurting people, and God's protection would be extended far wider than anything we could imagine.

I know, I know, the whole idea of submission to husbands is so upsetting and disturbing.  But has anyone stopped to consider why we're so offended by this?  Could it - maybe - have something to do with the enemy's design and his ability to distort all of God's instructions?  And if that's a possibility, doesn't this topic warrant careful study and prayer, rather than dismissal and indignation?  (of course, our distain for this idea is also directly related to the imperfection of the men, but let's not go there right now...).

I can tell you, with honesty, that I resisted the whole "submission" thing for many years in my marriage and it contributed, significantly, to the alienation of God at the center of my heart and home.  For the most part, I was pretty submissive.  People who don't know me well doubt that's true because I was so much more social and verbal than my ex who appeared so quiet and meek to them.  Truth is, when it came time to submit, I did.  I felt like I had no choice, and those who actually know me, know this to be true.  I didn't submit out of love or desire to serve.  I did it because I felt trapped.

And so performing the action of servitude without love is actually just rubbish and it leaves little room for God to work.  But when I studied and applied the concepts of submission and serving, a few years ago, I was amazed at how much more fulfilled I felt as a wife and daughter of God.  I had joy that was indescribable even though the brokenness of the marriage was coming into the light.  But I continued on, convinced that my joyful submission would enable God to step in, with a mighty hand, and restore the brokenness.  I was confident that all I needed to do was be a willing servant for God and He would set my path straight.  And I can testify that He did just that.

Many people have considered my divorce to be a failure on my part, and I understand how people see it because I, too, have unfairly judged others for "giving up" or failing.  But I stand in the confidence that it was only when I finally submitted all authority to my spouse that God was able to do His work.  By finally granting the ex all authority in the home, I was no longer standing in the way of God's hand.  He was free to expose whatever needed to be exposed.  And it was through my ex's response to that authority that the darkness was revealed.  God did step in with a mighty hand.  I am here, today, as a testimony of that.  Did things get set right like I hoped they would?  Well, not exactly as I hoped they would.  I actually desired a restoration of my marriage commitment. But did things get set right?  Yes, they did.  In a very unexpected way, they did.

And it saddens me to consider all the time I wasted fighting God; all the time I resisted His invitation to submit.  I thought I had to be the one to protect my children and my rights as a human being; those were the only things for which I fought.  I gave in to everything else, but my children and myself?  Those were tough things to give up especially when it was obvious, to intimate observers, that the actions of my ex were so wrong and so twisted.  And I thought that God was too distant, too uninvolved and that I needed to be the one to fight.  I fought in spirit, I fought on my knees, I fought in tears, but it was all a waste of my energy because He was standing there waiting for me to fall into His arms instead.  And I finally did when I was completely and utterly spent.  I could have saved myself so much heartache and pain if I had given up the fight earlier.  And had I waited another week or two to give up the fight?  I shudder to think of the possibilities.  All I will say is that God protected my life because I finally gave Him my life. 

My God is my husband, and any earthly man that would assume that position stands in God's shadow.  He is only a man and my loyalty and honor pass through him only to get to my God.  And he answers to God, alone.  Some men think that it's all roses and sunshine to find a woman who will be submissive to them, but do they take the time to consider that they represent Jesus to their wives?  And failure to do that, properly, would result in them sanding before God, the Judge?  Our job as wives is to submit to their authority, with blessed assurance that God will be the One that responds to our needs, and that's a breeze because we know God to be exceptionally faithful.  Plus we have Jesus as our advocate.  But men?  Oh, dear!  They have it way more challenging.  They need to serve their wives as Christ served His church.  And when I say "His church," I'm referring to that ragged group of imperfect, out-spoken, confused, misguided bunch of societal challenges.

Suddenly, being the submissive one doesn't sound like such a difficult job....

So, what is this greater, sacred purpose for which submission is to direct us?

What if... through this design, God is showing the universe that it IS possible for His people to serve Him out of intense love and that hierarchy is not something to despise?  What if the rest of the universe is waiting, with bated breath, to see if we will turn out like the devil and demand equality, or if we can find joy and peace and comfort and assurance in that design?  That is heaven's design after all.  The enemy tried to destroy it and reduce God and WE are given the sacred purpose of testifying to it's fairness and beauty.  And the only reason we resist is because men are rarely good examples of Christ.  What a weak excuse.  Where is our faith in God's design?  Where is our trust in His saving power?

I thank God for the example of Mary.  So many of God's servants were not quick to submit.  But when He selected a servant to carry His Son, to submit to His plan and raise the One that would restore the meaning of servitude, He chose someone that would embrace His message.  Well done, God.  Well done.

ah, public speaking...

This morning, my son told me that he's been having some bad dreams lately, where he is trying to run because there's something scary but his legs don't move and he has no voice. You know the kinds of dreams he's talking about.  We've probably all experienced them.  He wanted to know why he was having those dreams and what they meant.

We talked about it for a bit and then decided that it sounded like he was feeling trapped, without choices, and like he had no voice.  Although he couldn't identify anything in his life that might be prompting those feelings, I suggested that it may be related to the Christmas song I've asked him to sing for church at the end of this month.

He agreed, quickly, that he was very concerned about that... and he didn't want to be up front... and he was scared that people wouldn't like him... and he kept telling me that he didn't want to do it, but I just wouldn't listen.

But since this was his assignment for his music class, he really did have to do it.  He understood that but said that his biggest struggle was that he didn't like being in front of people.  And that it made him nervous.  In an effort to alleviate his anxiety, I assured him that many, many people are terrified of being in front of an audience, but that's not a good reason to hide.  The fact that people experience fear and nausea is because the enemy is throwing that at them. God didn't create us with fear; it is a product of this sinful world.  And for us to submit to that fear and say, "Oh, no way, I can't be in front of people; it paralyzes me," is giving the enemy authority over that area of your life.  And what God-loving follower of Jesus would want to give the enemy any level of authority in their lives, on purpose?

I have heard too many people submit to that kind of fear and suddenly all I can see now is the enemy keeping them bound.  And so if you suffer from that fear, I encourage you to bring it to Jesus because it's holding you back from being a blessing to His people.

I understand that some personalities are more reserved, more introverted, more quiet.  But that still doesn't seem like a good excuse, because guess what?  When Jesus chose His disciples, he didn't go to the Sanguine and Choleric convention to make his selection.  He chose those with hearts desiring truth.  I'm sure that there were all kinds of personalities represented in that haphazard, ragged group of imperfect followers.  But did you notice?  He sent ALL of them out to preach the good word.  At one point, he even sent out 72 of them.  And I doubt that they were all the kind of people who loved to speak in front of strangers and critical religious leaders and murderers and sinners.  They were people like you and me.  Maybe timid, maybe shy, maybe scared, maybe excited, who knows.  It doesn't matter.  Because they all did it.  They rejected the fears of the enemy and embraced the courage of Jesus to speak on His behalf for the salvation of His people.

During this discussion with my son, I realized that this singing assignment had a more practical and Christ-centered purpose.

My son enjoyed the story of the disciples that preached without fear and he identified with them saying, "Yeah!  I bet some of them didn't like to be up front either!"  But Jesus granted them the strength because they rejected what the enemy was offering and they asked God for help.  And in accepting God's help, they were able to be a blessing for others.  And my son's sweet little voice really is a blessing for others.

He decided to pray about it and ask God to remove the fear.  We both did.  Later that morning, I asked him to practice his song again.  He did so without complaint, but with confidence, instead.  He sang beautifully and the discomfort I had previously seen in him was all but gone.  I couldn't believe it.  It couldn't possibly be that easy, right?

There may be times when he and I will have to have this discussion again and we will need to continue to pray for courage.  In fact, he sang the song for the grandparents tonight.  We had a little bit of hesitation. But I reminded him of our conversation and he ended up doing such a beautiful job.  I'm so proud of him.  Hopefully the truths that he (and I) learned today will stay with him even after this experience is over.


--------------------

After Christmas Update:

As we continued preparing for the Christmas program, my son and I had to take his fears and discomfort to God a few more times.  He prayed.  I prayed.  We prayed together.  Then came the moment of truth:  The morning of his song, he admitted that he was actually kind of excited (but still a little scared).  But then he sang and it was done.  Afterwards he said to me, "That was really fun.  Can I do it again?  I actually really liked that!  Can you believe I'm saying this?"  My daughter, who generally revels in the spotlight (and who also sang, although without fear) said she wouldn't do it again unless she could sing with her brother to which he responded, "Sure Maci, I'll sing with you but I also really want to do it on my own again."

Wow!  I was seriously shocked!  For those of you who know my son and his more cautious and quiet approach to the world, you would understand how significant is his attitude shift.  Totally a God thing, you know?  So cool.   There he was, standing as cool as a cucumber, hands in his pockets (we'll address that later) and just singing his little song.  Just goes to show that God can grant even the introverts the joy to stand in front of others.

obstacles? what obstacles?

Some people believe that they can't take a step in a particular direction until they have everything lined up.  I heard one person tell me, once, that He could not give to others as God called him to give because he didn't have enough.  His response was so simple, "I'll give when I have enough."  What a foolish person he was to believe that any money he had belonged to him anyway.  But that's beside the point.  If God called him to give, trusting Him would not be the same as buying tickets to LegoLand with an empty bank account.  Since the call was from God, God would be the one to care for him.

As I was thinking about walking in God's direction, I remembered the story of Joshua and the Israelites, getting ready to cross the Jordan (Joshua 3).  I've always loved that story because they were preparing to cross the raging harvest river and didn't seem to have any qualms about it.  The Bible says that when their feet touched the edge of the water, the river suddenly opened up and provided them safe passage.

Did you catch that?  Their feet actually touched the water.  They were walking forward, without stopping.  It doesn't say that they waited on the bank of the river until the waters parted.  It clearly says that they were heading down towards the water.  But nowhere does it say that God told them ahead of time that He was going to part the rivers.  In fact, it says, When you reach the edge of the Jordan River, go into the water and stand there. (vs 8) And they were prepared to do it, too!

God is so wonderful, though.  He didn't wait until they were knee-deep in water before He provided a path.  He didn't require that kind of faith (as He required from Noah, sitting in a locked ark for 7 (!) long days before the first drop of water).   As soon as the Levite's toes touched the water, it was opened.

That's just incredible.  What faith those Levites had to step boldly onto a path that didn't even exist yet.  But the path was there, it was just covered by what they viewed as an obstacle - water.  But there are no obstacles for God, only opportunities to display His mighty love for us.

God is guiding.  Don't let apparent obstacles stand in your way of believing in possibilities.  Because God can erase the obstacles with just a whisper of His breath.

When you see [God's direction], you must move out from where you are and follow it.  Then you will know which way to go.  You have never gone this way before... Set yourselves apart to the Lord.  Tomorrow he'll do amazing things among you.  Joshua 3:3-5

the love of a Husband

I woke up this morning with Proverbs 31 whispering in my mind's ear.  I hadn't read Proverbs 31 (woman of noble character) in a while.  It was one of my favorite chapters when I was seeking God on how to be a better woman and wife to Him and to my earthly husband.  A few years ago, I studied it in different versions, read books and devotionals on it and tried to consider how I could apply the knowledge in my own life, and asked God to work in my heart to make me what He wanted me to be.  And He did.  He changed my heart and actions in amazing ways.   (Just to be clear, my divorce is not evidence of God's lack of diligence in this area but an example of how rampant evil can be in this world.)  Anyway, since it's been almost 2 years since I've actually experienced the love of a husband, this chapter has been left to collect dust in the deep recesses of my mind.

But this morning, it came to mind again and so I decided to reread it.  I guess I had forgotten that this passage was written to the king's son so that he might find a "virtuous" wife.  That wasn't so fun to read since I'm no one's wife, but I continued reading anyway.  Then verses started popping up about how the husband has full confidence in her and how her husband is respected at the city gates and how her husband praises her.  And suddenly I felt that this chapter had little value for me except to remind me of the losses in my life.  I wasn't sure why I even bothered to read it.  It appeared that the Proverbs 31 woman was really only complete when she was part of the marriage unit and that just made me feel worse.

I hmmphh-ed and prepared to close the Bible page.  But then something caught my eye.  Many women do noble things but you surpass them all. Prov 31:29.  I know, for a fact, that I do not "surpass" all women as far as nobility is concerned and I'm sure many will attest to that fact.  But I recognized something in the spirit of those words.  Something that filled my heart with warmth and put a smile on my face.

You are altogether beautiful, my love.  There is no flaw in you.  Song of Solomon 4:7

Those words in Song of Solomon were offered to me by my Savior when I was struggling during the last two years.  He shared those words with me not once, not twice, but many times.  But He didn't just whisper them in my heart.  It happened when I opened my iPhone Bible randomly, searching for anything that could offer me hope and assurance and those were the words that showed up a few times.  After that, they were whispered over and over when I needed assurance of Jesus' love for me.

Now, I'm not foolish enough to believe I don't have flaws.  But the way that God looks at me makes me feel like I'm somehow perfect, everything He'd ever wished for.  That is what Love does and what Love is.  It gazes upon me as if I am absolute perfection.  True Love is blind to my shortcomings because true Love knows who I really am and how I was made in the image of Love.

Once I realized that the husband in the passage was God, and not an earthly husband, I reread it with confidence, remembering that I did have an opportunity to be complete.  All my work and the effort of my hands are for my Husband, God, and His love motivates me and moves me and shapes me into the woman He has always wanted me to be.  I am the best version of myself when I stand next to His glorious being.

I glanced at the verses that referred to the husband in the passage and was pleased with the result when I inserted God's name in the place of husband.

[God] has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  31:11

He has full confidence in me because He knows my heart is for Him, and Him alone.  Not because I won't mess up, ('cause I will.)

[God] is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.  31:23

What a beautiful picture this painted for me.  I saw the city gate as the doorway to my home and my life, and I visualized Him standing there where onlookers could see Him for miles around.  Oh, to have a home and a life where my devotion and pride in His position in my life could be evident as far as the eye can see!

And [God] praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."  31:28-29

What a lovely passage, indeed.  I believe this passage was placed on my heart, not so that I could think about what else I was lacking as a woman of noble character, but rather as a simple love note from my Lover.

I can't imagine a better way to start my Sabbath day.



And although I understand The Notebook is not exactly a spiritually-minded book, this love note caught my eye and is a fitting example of my love for God, my Lover and Husband.

He is an embrace

I've heard about the mentality that "weak" individuals are more likely to pursue a relationship with Jesus than strong, independent people.  That mindset is probably encouraged by the response so many Christians have to difficulties.  For example, "Times were so tough, if I didn't have Jesus I don't know how I would have survived."  So this idea that you need Jesus when you are weak and hurting is being perpetuated by testimonies of praise.  And that's all good and well because Jesus truly is a Rock but there's more.

Yes, having a loving Savior by your side when you're enduring life's trials is a blessing, indeed.  His strength is our strength and we do praise Him for that.

But what many people don't realize is that it's not us that is pursuing Jesus.  It's Him that chases after us.  He's the one desiring the love affair with His children.  We accept His invitation and then it becomes whatever we need.

But He is not just strength for the afflicted and rest for the weary.  And I just don't think the rest of the non-Jesus world gets that.

I think that even Christians miss the point sometimes.  Jesus seeks us out and knocks on our door, not just to help us in times of trouble; He does it because He's in love with us.

Imagine a woman who keeps a journal of all her deepest, most intimate thoughts, who she is, what she feels, what she loves, etc.  (This scenario can be reversed, of course, because men keep journals too, but I'm just gonna fly with this one for now).  And now imagine that a man comes across this journal and reads it regularly, learning more and more about the heart of this woman.  If the woman's heart is good and pure he may find himself desiring to know her more.  Even when she fails and messes up badly, if he reads her sorrow and her desire to be more in tune with Christ, He can forgive her shortcomings and see the person she is longing to be, and the person she was created to be.  Imagine that this man reads this journal for 20 years and he knows her, inside and out, and he has fallen madly in love with her.  Would he really stand at a distance and just read the journal and be satisfied?  I doubt it.  He would want to know her, to befriend her, to talk to her about her, be a personal friend, experience reciprocal love with her.

I guess that's how I see Jesus.  He knows our innermost thoughts and struggles. He is not turned off by our failures because He was there when we were created and He knows how we're really wired. And He understands that our failures are often a result of living in this sin-sick world and falling prey to the temptations with which we are bombarded.  And when that happens, His anger is directed towards the enemy of lies and not towards His precious loved ones and His heart aches with ours when we suffer, when we fail, when we choose the lies.  But He also rejoices with us when we stand in Truth, when we utilize the gifts He's given us, when we exhibit compassion towards His other children.

But it's painfully difficult to stand on the sidelines and watch from a distance.  That's about as unnatural as a proud parent not attending a ceremony honoring their child or a wedding or a graduation.  A parent who is involved in their children's lives wants to be there every step of the way because they are in love with their children.  They adore them and want to share in all their successes.  They also want to share in their pain.  If a child is suffering with the loss of a friend or a shattered dream or a debilitating accident...for a parent to wait outside and not long to comfort their child, it would be - like I said - unnatural.

Jesus loves us.

That's not just a simple bumper sticker we see on the cars of those "Jesus-y" people.  He truly, madly deeply loves you (yes, I just quoted Savage Garden; so what.)  He is in love with you. He adores you. He misses you when He doesn't get to be with you. His heart breaks as a result of the distance He must maintain and I think it even drives Him a little crazy sometimes.  He might turn to His Father and ask, "Is it time yet?  Can I go get them, please?"  But His Father shakes His head and says, "Not yet."  And His heart cries out in loneliness and His arms burn to hold you.

Jesus is desperately in love with you and me and everyone who has a breath on the face of the earth because He knows us.  If we really knew people -- I mean really knew them -- we would love them too.

So no, Jesus is not just an anchor for those tossed by the storms at sea.  He is an embrace.  He is a smile.  His expression lights up at the mention of your name and His heart aches to hold you.

I can't fathom a world where I wouldn't be able to hold my children and love them on an everyday basis.  To watch them grow up from a distance would result in unspeakable pain.

Jesus longs to be in our lives.  He longs for it with every breath He takes.  How can someone who understands this, possibly neglect to acknowledge His presence and love?  How can someone who understands this, possibly turn away in boredom and disinterest?  How can someone who understands this, possibly reject His invitation?  How could you possibly NOT want this level of love and adoration in your life?

It's not possible.  So if there is neglect, boredom, rejection...then the world obviously doesn't understand this.  And for those who do get it?  Don't remain silent.

in God we do trust

It's funny, isn't it?  Our money motto since 1864 has been "In God We Trust" written on our very dollars.  It's like our founding fathers had some special foresight that anticipated the modern world's drive for wealth, and in a desperate attempt to still those insatiable appetites, decided to engrave a directional motto on our dollars and cents.  

And yet, so many of us - Christians, no less - transfer our trust from God to the dollar. 

I had a discussion with someone recently who said that he would never marry because no one would ever marry someone in his line of work since it basically didn't provide a lot of financial security.

His statement has troubled me for a week now because I wish I'd had the courage to say, "I'm sorry...what?  What God do you serve that leads you to believe that your financial stability and security rests upon your own profession?"

So many people believe that higher education and well-paying jobs are the only way to have financial security in this country.  They may agree that a college education is not always necessary in those rare cases of entrepreneurial geniuses, but for the most part, higher education assures people of a promising bank account.  Now, I'm certainly not trying to diss higher education; I, too, am a graduate and post-graduate with a few degrees and someday anticipate the opportunity for even more.  Perhaps doctoral studies in history so that I can teach history at a university when my hair is grey and before my life is over.  Higher education serves a fantastic purpose for the expansion of the intellect and it feeds our need to study and educate ourselves.

But of course, a higher education doesn't always insure a fat bank account, anyway.  Some degrees are for the love of learning and not for a huge payout.  But for those successful individuals, I see so many of them who credit themselves with their financial gain as a result of their own efforts.  But what happens when the economy tanks and even high-paying jobs take a hit?  What happens when a debilitating injury occurs and you can't work?  What happens when a lawsuit takes place and you are bankrupt and have to move out of your 4000 sq. foot home?  If a person believes that their financial security rests upon their own shoulders, those kinds of hits could take a person down to the ground...and then out the door.

I choose to believe that God leads.  Regardless of what type of job you're doing - physician, professor, burrito maker, teacher, minister, factory worker, computer tech - your heavenly Father is watching over you and giving you what you need, when you need it.

Now some will continue to argue this idea, stating that it is just foolishness to choose a low-paying job (with education or not) and that God gave us brains so that we can use them and pad ourselves nicely with a full wallet and a large bottom line.  They may argue that people who work in minimum-pay jobs don't get to have the luxuries that those with higher education get to have.  Minimum-wage workers don't get to take their children to Disneyland or on a cruise.  They don't have the luxury of providing professional music lessons for their budding musicians or fancy clothes for a fashion-forward teenager.  The argument can be made that as a result, those individuals feel like they're getting the short end of the stick sometimes.  Some may argue that people with low income are often depressed and discouraged about their inability to provide everything their families desire.

But I will argue that God is providing them with everything they need if they choose to depend on His goodness and grace and accept that He has led them to the place at which they are.  Those who accept that their circumstances are in God's sight may not feel that Disneyland is a necessity, and that our hope for Heaven will satisfy every need for thrill and excitement and family fun.  Those that wait upon God may discover that the constant drive for more and more earthly things does not bring satisfaction and they turn away from those appetites.  Those who depend on God's care may find that when they are hungry and go without a meal, they are more compassionate towards others that are also suffering.  And their compassion may draw others into a closer relationship with God as well.

Some may say that depending on God as our financial advisor should, and will, provide us with wealth and riches, like for Abraham and David and Lot (after his losses).  It's true, God does bless, but that's not the point of this blog. The point is that it doesn't matter what your W-2 forms say.  You are not the ultimate provider.  God is, obviously.  And what He provides is not always in the form of greenbacks.

He provides security.

He provides happiness.

He provides peace and contentment.

He provides knowledge and wisdom.

He provides compassion and tenderness.

He provides riches in ways that cannot be measured by the balances of this earth.

And the sooner we come to accept that, the less anxiety we will suffer about how we will provide for our families.  Don't be lazy and sit around and expect God to bring you stuff like a mother bird brings her baby worms.  Sheesh, I hope you don't get that from this blog.  But do make an honest effort to utilize the God-given talents with which He has provided you and go on your merry, little way, singing your praises to Him and He will satisfy your needs.  He knows what you need; don't doubt that.  You think you know what you need.  But too many times we're confused by messages bombarding us in this world.  Just trust Him.  He knows what you need.

Has God gifted you with a talent by His own generosity?  Then it is likely that is the way in which He desires you to walk.  Walk in it with assurance and continue to praise Him.

Another plus side of having this kind of faith in God's leading is that when things are going swimmingly, you can praise Him all the more and draw others to Him with your testimony.  And when things are going not-so-swimmingly, you can turn to Him and say, "Lord, what is it that you want me to learn through this trial?  How would you like to refine me for your work?"  And He will show you.  And He will mold you.  And you will come through and sing His praises once again and draw others to Him with your testimony.

Kind of sounds like a win-win to me, so what's the problem?

And my God will fully supply your every need according to His glorious riches in the Messiah Jesus. Phil 4:19.

the One you are seeking

This morning, I woke up early and decided I would do some writing.  There's so much I want to say, so many things I'm learning about the character of God, the purpose of His people, the love that surrounds us...

I could just keep all these things to myself and ponder them in my own heart.  But I can't imagine how that's possible.  It seems as though these realizations and truths are pushing against my heart, trying to escape.  It's like when you're in love with someone, you can't stop smiling, you can't stop talking about them.  It's like that.

So in my head I considered a few things I wanted to write about but when I sat down my phone bleeped and the verse of the day popped up on the screen, and it was so beautiful I decided I couldn't keep it to myself.

"I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me.  Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the Lord Almighty.  Malachi 3:1

As soon as I read the words, "the Lord you are seeking..." I could see the multitude of earth's inhabitants reaching for this invisible God, searching for their lost treasure, on a quest for the one thing that will satisfy their unidentified desires.  Most of them don't know it but they're searching for God.

I see it every day; people reading self-help books, watching talk show hosts discussing the various "power within" ideas and then missing the point altogether.  They continue to grasp at the empty theories and broken promises that this world is offering them and they continue to live unsatisfied lives.  They are taught to seek their own strength for all of life's problems and then they continue to suffer.

But I've met the One they're really seeking.  I've borrowed His strength and I've experienced His love.   I know Who they really need and yet so many don't believe it.  But the promise of the verse in Malachi is that God will send His messenger and then suddenly the Lord will come!  In a way, we are also His messengers.  We, who carry the light of His love in our hearts, hold Him up as a torch for those in the darkness.  We have one job: to shine the light of Jesus' love on His hurting children.  One job.

And the written promise is that He will come.  The One they desire, will come.  Even if they don't know it's Him that they desire.  It doesn't matter.  He will come.

Never underestimate the seed that can be planted in the heart of a hurting child of God when you share what God has done for you.  And if you have no testimony about His grace towards you, then ask Him to show you.  Because His grace is like the gravity that keeps us on earth; it's one of those things that if it were removed, we wouldn't be able to function.  Just ask Him to show you and He will.

This verse has placed such a large smile in my spirit today.  It has given me such hope for the world.  It's true that women tend to be more sensitive, I suppose.  But my sensitivity to the pain of others is such a discouragement sometimes.  I feel helpless and hopeless and I can literally lose sleep over the hardships that so many people experience.  I looked at some photos yesterday that were bringing awareness to child abuse and my heart just broke and I wanted it to go away.  I wanted Jesus to come back so badly.  The thought of millions of children being wounded, so severely, on such a regular basis is so heartbreaking that I can hardly tolerate it.  And I cried out to God, asking Him why He won't just make it all stop.  Why won't He just come already?  Why can't He protect these innocent children?  He didn't answer me; He just cried with me.

But this verse is His promise to me.  He will come.