We talked about it for a bit and then decided that it sounded like he was feeling trapped, without choices, and like he had no voice. Although he couldn't identify anything in his life that might be prompting those feelings, I suggested that it may be related to the Christmas song I've asked him to sing for church at the end of this month.
He agreed, quickly, that he was very concerned about that... and he didn't want to be up front... and he was scared that people wouldn't like him... and he kept telling me that he didn't want to do it, but I just wouldn't listen.
But since this was his assignment for his music class, he really did have to do it. He understood that but said that his biggest struggle was that he didn't like being in front of people. And that it made him nervous. In an effort to alleviate his anxiety, I assured him that many, many people are terrified of being in front of an audience, but that's not a good reason to hide. The fact that people experience fear and nausea is because the enemy is throwing that at them. God didn't create us with fear; it is a product of this sinful world. And for us to submit to that fear and say, "Oh, no way, I can't be in front of people; it paralyzes me," is giving the enemy authority over that area of your life. And what God-loving follower of Jesus would want to give the enemy any level of authority in their lives, on purpose?
I have heard too many people submit to that kind of fear and suddenly all I can see now is the enemy keeping them bound. And so if you suffer from that fear, I encourage you to bring it to Jesus because it's holding you back from being a blessing to His people.
I understand that some personalities are more reserved, more introverted, more quiet. But that still doesn't seem like a good excuse, because guess what? When Jesus chose His disciples, he didn't go to the Sanguine and Choleric convention to make his selection. He chose those with hearts desiring truth. I'm sure that there were all kinds of personalities represented in that haphazard, ragged group of imperfect followers. But did you notice? He sent ALL of them out to preach the good word. At one point, he even sent out 72 of them. And I doubt that they were all the kind of people who loved to speak in front of strangers and critical religious leaders and murderers and sinners. They were people like you and me. Maybe timid, maybe shy, maybe scared, maybe excited, who knows. It doesn't matter. Because they all did it. They rejected the fears of the enemy and embraced the courage of Jesus to speak on His behalf for the salvation of His people.
During this discussion with my son, I realized that this singing assignment had a more practical and Christ-centered purpose.
My son enjoyed the story of the disciples that preached without fear and he identified with them saying, "Yeah! I bet some of them didn't like to be up front either!" But Jesus granted them the strength because they rejected what the enemy was offering and they asked God for help. And in accepting God's help, they were able to be a blessing for others. And my son's sweet little voice really is a blessing for others.
He decided to pray about it and ask God to remove the fear. We both did. Later that morning, I asked him to practice his song again. He did so without complaint, but with confidence, instead. He sang beautifully and the discomfort I had previously seen in him was all but gone. I couldn't believe it. It couldn't possibly be that easy, right?
There may be times when he and I will have to have this discussion again and we will need to continue to pray for courage. In fact, he sang the song for the grandparents tonight. We had a little bit of hesitation. But I reminded him of our conversation and he ended up doing such a beautiful job. I'm so proud of him. Hopefully the truths that he (and I) learned today will stay with him even after this experience is over.
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After Christmas Update:
As we continued preparing for the Christmas program, my son and I had to take his fears and discomfort to God a few more times. He prayed. I prayed. We prayed together. Then came the moment of truth: The morning of his song, he admitted that he was actually kind of excited (but still a little scared). But then he sang and it was done. Afterwards he said to me, "That was really fun. Can I do it again? I actually really liked that! Can you believe I'm saying this?" My daughter, who generally revels in the spotlight (and who also sang, although without fear) said she wouldn't do it again unless she could sing with her brother to which he responded, "Sure Maci, I'll sing with you but I also really want to do it on my own again."
Wow! I was seriously shocked! For those of you who know my son and his more cautious and quiet approach to the world, you would understand how significant is his attitude shift. Totally a God thing, you know? So cool. There he was, standing as cool as a cucumber, hands in his pockets (we'll address that later) and just singing his little song. Just goes to show that God can grant even the introverts the joy to stand in front of others.
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