confidence vs arrogance

This topic of having confidence versus being arrogant has been weighing heavily on my mind for the last couple of weeks. This morning, I felt a strong push to finally address it and write about it.  I opened my computer and sat down but suddenly had a craving for some kefir.  (Yeah, it's weird stuff; I tried it last night for the first time.  It's a dairy-based probiotic beverage I'm using to try to target a gut problem and apparently this helps.)  I glanced at my iPhone sitting on my kitchen counter as I pulled down a glass, and noticed the verse-of-the-day (votd) glowing on my lockscreen.

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.  Hebrews 4:16

I abandoned my kefir-pouring and picked up my iPhone to reread the verse.  My first reaction was, "What the heck?  Did this verse just undermine my entire blog post for today?"  I'm sitting here, trying to address the idea of over-confidence leading to arrogance and the votd just happens to pop up, encouraging us to BE confident?  Well, shoot.  Thanks for nothing.



But after drinking some of my weird beverage, I reread the verse a couple more times.  And that's when I noticed the key phrase "God's throne."  But I'll get to that in a minute.

So here's the crux of what I wanted to say today (supported, by the way, by the votd):  There is a fine line that we walk sometimes, between being confident in our faith and being arrogant.  Our faith in God is a gift that aids us in all of our journey, but when we define faith as "our" faith, a sharp turn is made toward arrogance.

The definition of confidence is the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something.

The definition of arrogance is having an exaggerated sense of one's own importance or abilities. 

I have been guilty of arrogance as of a late, and I'm even ashamed to write about it.  But for the sake of God's forgiving grace, I share my testimony in an effort to spare you from my same mistakes.

You see, I believed that my walk of faith was being somewhat targeted and so I dug in my heels, firm in my decision to walk boldly wherever God led me.  But by digging in my heels, I neglected to depend on God's gift of faith which often results in helpful insights for navigating the current situation.  The more I was told to "take your time" or "don't rush in," the more I wanted to stand in the faith that had been shaped by my history with God.

But I never stopped to consider how my bold walk could impact those around me or how they would view God's direction as a result of my profession of faith.  And this is where the votd plays in.  The verse states that we are to confidently approach "God's throne."  It doesn't say that we are to impose our confidence on those around us and expect them to just fly with it.  It doesn't say we should disregard the perception of others just because we trust God. Trusting God is a must for our own personal walk but to force others to accept it is just arrogance.  It's saying, "I know what I'm doing.  Don't try to shut me down."  Did you catch the "I know" phrase?  That's a lot different than "God knows."

And it's certainly okay to firmly state that we trust God and we won't be moved.  But that's not what I had been saying with my actions.  I was saying that since I knew God had led me, then I didn't need to worry about the details and ain't no one gonna force me to worry about them.  To approach God's throne with confidence would take me to an entirely different place of submission and reverence and humility and enable me to allow Him to lead, even in the details.  God's throne is where I go to meet with Him, hand over my authority to Him and stand in His grace and mercy.  It is a place I can visit with confidence because I know, for certain, that He will equip me to represent Him properly, by His grace, not by my determination.

And after I've met with Him, He has more influence over the way I walk in this faith.  In other words, He can show me how to represent Him respectfully, without offending others with my boldness.   He can continue to shine out of my heart as I continue to wait on Him.  And He can pad my attitude with patience so that I don't get antsy when things are not moving at the pace I expect. Cause guess what?  Just because God led the way and brought me to a place, doesn't mean that the plan has been fulfilled.

To disregard any element of a steady pace is not a testimony on behalf of God's leading, but rather an attitude that can actually negatively impact other people's perceptions of God's ways.

So it turns out that "don't rush in" and "take your time" were actually instructions from God, offered through one of His servant.  But man!  I hate it when someone else is right and I'm wrong.  I'm not saying I always have to be right.  But if I'm wrong, it sure makes things a lot easier when others are wrong too and we can learn together.  I don't like being the only idiot.  Makes me feel like I still have so much to learn and that's kind of depressing.  But it's also humbling.  Cause whenever I get ahead of myself and think "I've got this," something tends to happen to knock me back down to size.  Not fun, but I accept and thank God for my lesson in humility because it is my desire that He remain at the forefront of my life and that I am less.  But I'll be honest, it's not easy to be schooled by God.  It's somewhat painful when I consider the impact that my actions may have had on others and on God's name.  But it's also hopeful.  God does not instruct and discipline me without gentleness and hope for the future; a hope that I won't be such an idiot in the next time...

In any case, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to God and I'm sorry to those who may have been misled about God's authority in my life as a result of my actions.  And I am now hoping that God will set things straight again.