I am His

Someone sent me a video this morning about a little lamb who was rejected by its mother and the beautiful application that the shepherd made about Jesus' tenderness towards us.  The shepherd said that because the little lamb was rejected by the mother, he would now have to take it home to raise it himself.  The application he made was that sometimes we will suffer abandonment from some of the people in our lives that we depend on; those that were supposed to care for us.  But that in those cases, Jesus is waiting to pick us up and take us home and care for us Himself.  And that once a shepherd has cared for a lamb in that way, the lamb is forever devoted to that shepherd.

As soon as the guy in the video started talking about people in our lives who have abandoned us, I broke down and started to cry.  Yes, sure, I've mentioned lately that I cry, but not usually over this kind of thing.  I have remained relatively strong throughout many of the losses I suffered over the last few years but there were moments when I wallowed in self-pity, wondering why.  Why did those who supposedly professed their eternal love or devotion or care for me abandon me and reject me and try to do me harm?  It can certainly make a person feel like they're worthless.  And the fears that accompany that loss?  Ugh, enough to incapacitate a person.

I never wallowed in that pity for too long, though.  Because I recognized that most of what these people were rejecting was my devotion to God.  I would gladly suffer on behalf of Jesus.  But that doesn't make the loss and the pain any less real.

In the last two years, I was rejected or abandoned by a spouse, two sets of parents, church leaders and best friends.  Only two friends remained steadfast and for them I praise God.  But the saving grace I received was my Shepherd who picked me up and took me home.  In those intimate moments with Him, I found my strength to continue living for Him, continue following Him and submitting to His will.  In that closeness I found a joy that trumped all the joy I had ever known in my previous 38 years.  And through those quiet moments, I found a peace that truly surpassed all understanding.

I read Luke 9 yesterday morning for my devotion and reflected on the cost of following Jesus.  (Luke 9:57-63).  And I thought, Whoa, this is a huge load for followers to carry. Who would ever accept this call?  But truth be told, the intimacy I have experienced with Jesus, as a result of accepting His call, exceeds any experience I could ever have on this earth with any human being.  And it casts a soft shadow over the losses and those relationships that were supposed to be significant to me.  It still hurts, of course.  I still long for areas in my life to be restored but I wait on God for His time and His purpose.

All I ever wanted (all anyone has ever wanted, I'm sure) was to be loved and cherished and protected.  I have been desiring that all my life.  Just to have someone want me; to choose me and to be devoted to me.  I don't appear to actually have that kind of thing in my life so then how is it possible for a divorced single, woman to feel so fulfilled in this desire now?  How is it possible that I no longer feel abandoned or rejected?  Well, I'll tell you how.  Through the power of His tender love.  I am His.  And He is mine.  He has chosen me and been devoted to me all my life through.  How could anyone ever tell me that He isn't real?

Only a handful of friends know what I went through in the last couple years but if you knew, you might conclude that I shouldn't still be so joyful and filled with desire to praise God and serve Him.  I should be broken and devastated.  But because of His love, I'm not.  It just wouldn't be possible for me to be defeated.  Because how can I fall when I'm held up by angels?  How can I dwell in darkness when I'm surrounded by His glorious light?

It's.  Just.  Not.  Possible.

Remember that hymn "Oh How He Loves You and Me?"  It's a very short hymn with only 15 lines, but the phrase "Oh how He loves you and me" is repeated 13 times.  I love it and those words just floated through my head.

Today, I was preparing for the church service, walking through all the songs I need to sing and reading the accompanying Scriptures so that I can understand the overarching message.  I saw the message of God's glorious light throughout the entire service and just praised Him for the blessing of a service that is arranged so carefully as to draw our hearts and minds into ascended worship for Him.

But then I decided to look at a special number that was to be sung (by someone else) to see how it fit into the message of the day.  I'm not responsible for this song so initially I didn't even think to include it in my walk-through of the service.  But when I listened to it online, I was so overwhelmed with an emotion that I struggle to try to describe.  Relief, maybe?  Comfort?  I don't know.  Satisfied longing, perhaps?  Yeah, maybe that last one. Satisfied longing with eternal gratefulness and a realization of God's amazing, never-ending love for me.

I honestly can't see how the song fits with the rest of the church service theme but it's hitting home for me and I am praising God for prompting the music minister to include it.  It's exactly what I long to hear and dwell on.  It is perfect and actually provides healing for my pain.  It is my love story with Jesus and the truths in it have satisfied the longings in my heart.  I listened to it three times and broke down and cried every time.  I thought, Well, shoot, I need to get this emotion out of my system right now before I'm sitting in church listening to it, lest I break down and cry there too.  I'll have to remember to wear waterproof mascara...

Just take a moment to reflect on some of these lyrics:

I claim you as My choice
Be still, and know I am here.

Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you by name
Come and follow me
I will bring you home

I love you and you are mine.

After the video of the abandoned lamb, this song was exactly what I needed.  If you have time, listen to it on the link below too.  The melody sways with the lyrics in such a tender way bringing it to life and penetrating your heart.  Follow this link:  You Are Mine

Have you ever been so in love that the mere thought of that love brings you to tears?  I have often felt that way about my own children.  But wished I could feel that way about God too.  And now I can honestly say that I do.  I am overcome with desire to serve Him and love Him and to see Him and hold Him and be held by Him.  I need nothing else.  Jesus alone.  I haven't done any dating, of course, so I have had other single friends ask me how it is possible for me to be satisfied with only Jesus.  But I can't describe it; it's only something I can experience, not explain.

So how can I not commit my undying devotion to the One who is my forever Love?  Everything I do, I do for Him.  Everything He does, He does for me.  He is mine and I am His.  Amen and forever amen.