the blog with no title

when the sun sets on a stormy day, 

darkness covers the damage in shades of grey

no longer do the winds blow hard,

yet debris lays scattered all over the yard

after being tossed by the wind till defeated,

i have truly been sufficiently depleted.  

who will clean up the mess left behind,

from the edge of my heart to the end of my mind?

i know only One that has the power to restore,

all the brokenness in me and so much more

i go to that place where i can rest in His love

and wait for the peace that i often speak of

that's all i need, just a quiet place to rest

and when i get back up i will have been blessed

in the morning, mess will be seen all over the place

but the hope for renewal rests in His eternal grace

I suppose I'm not much of a poet, at least where meter is concerned, but I guess I don't care.  Because it's been one of those days when I have cried until I have been completely spent.  The emotional strength it takes to navigate certain crises is more than I posses sometimes and I am defeated by the load.  Even my children were distressed by my painful tears.  My sensitive little son reflected on the day as he was brushing his teeth,  "Mommy," he said, "I saw something today that I haven't seen in almost forever.  I saw you crying."  I hugged him and said that I do often cry but that it's true that he doesn't see me do it.  I told him that crying was just a way of expressing pain and grief and that it's okay for him to see me cry.  And that it's not a sign of hopelessness but just an expression of sadness and loss.  Fortunately the kids only witnessed me crying at one point today.  The rest of my grief I shared between me and God, away from their concerned little hearts, because they, too, cried a lot and I didn't want to compound their sadness. 

But please don't think that my tears are an indication of despair.  They are just a response to the hard realities of this world that affect the people I hold so dear to my heart.  They are tears of submission when I offer up the ones I love, and accept that only God is able to help them.  They are tears of grief as my heart bleeds over shattered relationships that may or may not ever be mended.  They are tears of heart-broken realization when I finally recognize that the brokenness is greater than anything I could have imagined.  

But God sees my tears and He hears my cries and there is a comfort in that knowledge that cannot be expressed in words.  

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry.  Psalm 34:15

You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book.  Psalm 56:8.

I gotta tell you, crying all alone truly is a depressing situation, but crying in the arms of someone who loves you make it so much more tolerable.  I didn't have any physical arms in which to cry today, but God's figurative arms were somehow sufficient so that I didn't experience the dreaded despair.  And for that I am truly grateful.  And I'm grateful for everyone He put into my life to encourage me today and join me in my prayers.

What a tender and loving God we serve who gives us the opportunity to express our grief in His presence and then provide us with a renewed strength.  How does this process even work?  I don't know.  And yet it does.  Thank you, God, for providing us with tears and with hope.