why music?

I've spent the last (kid-free) 24 hours immersing myself in music (minus sleeping for 4 hours).  I refused social invitations because all I wanted to do was have time with my music but now I'm suddenly wondering about the purpose of this desire.  What is it for?  Who is it for?  What does it do for us?  Is it for us or for God?  Is it sacred?  Is it necessary?  Why do I love it so much even though I'm quite amateur and just, plain terrible on some of my instruments?  What is this drive that makes me want to come back to it, hour after hour?  And is it okay that I mostly keep it to myself?  Sure, I play the piano for church and retirement homes occasionally, and have sung with some praise teams in the last few years.  (Oh, and I did do that one open mic night over 2 years ago.)  But for the most part, I keep my music to myself and I'm wondering if I'm using this love of music properly or not.

Truth is that I love to play for other people's enjoyment.  It brings me a joy and a warmth that I can compare to nothing else in my life.  I just want people to experience the music; to love it; to delight in it; to be changed by it.  But alas, I do not have the talent required to share my music on that level.  So then what am I using it for?

The first recorded musician in the Bible is Jubal, Adam's great-grandson.  Genesis 4:21 says he was the father of all those who play the lyre and pipe.  Wow, generations of musicians. Move over, Von Trapps, you've got nothing on these guys!  So does that mean that not everyone comes equipped with the innate gift of producing music?  It's obvious that some individuals are more gifted than others but everyone can learn to play or sing, right?  And certainly everyone can enjoy it.

I do believe that there are some that have it in their blood.  When my son struggles with his music, I remind him of his gypsy heritage and tell him that even though he's only 1/16 gypsy, it still works.  The love of music runs through his veins.  The talent comes with practice; but the love and the draw to it; it's just who we are, and that usually encourages him because he focuses on the love and not the effort.

But now, for the first time in my life, I'm actually reflecting on why.  Why are some people drawn to music like moths to a flame?  What is the grander spiritual purpose?  Cause you know there has to be one since this was created by God.

I'm curious if the gift of music was one of those wonders that God created for our enjoyment, like colors and seasons, and textures.  Just something extra special; not necessarily a necessity, but just something to make the journey more pleasurable.

But now I'm thinking that there is a sacred purpose in it.  Remember how the Levites were the priests of the community?  That was just their thing; it was in their blood.  What if there's a whole group of people who's purpose it to make music?  And like the priesthood, they have a sacred job to draw others into worship and communion with God.

Because that's what music is; it's worship.  Just look at how fans worship and idolize their favorite musicians.  Notice how music can motivate an individual toward inspiration or action or whatever.  It obviously has power.  But like all things that God created for His purpose, the enemy has misused it.  Without God at the forefront of our musical experience, it is just a tool that can be used to pull us away from Him and into worshiping the actual musician.  I'm not suggesting that we only need to be singing hymns and worship songs or anything.  But to recognize the Creator in all the music we hear; to acknowledge His gift and experience His love through all the sounds... that's what I want.

Paul gives instructions to the Ephesians and Colossians to participate in music as part of their Spirit-filled worship.  In this case, it seems like music is necessary.  Can you imagine a church service without music?  Ugh, I shudder at the thought.

Anyway, there is only one man, in the Bible, that was described as a man after God's own heart and that was David, the harpist/psalmist.  We have long acknowledged that he was probably described as such because of his heart and his sincere repentance.  But what if it was about the music?  What if that was God's favorite thing about him?  Who knows.  Just wondering here.

But what about me?  Is it okay that I keep most of my music to myself?  I don't really want to, I'm just not that good.  But am I dishonoring God by doing that?  Am I abusing His gift by preferring to play a variety of instruments poorly, rather than one or two with proper skill?  Cause I just spent the last 20 hours holed up in my house playing seven different instruments.  I absolutely enjoyed every, single instrument even though I truly sound terrible on many of them.  But for some reason, that doesn't bother me.  The love and enjoyment of the music comes through even my squeaky violin bow or the imperfect rhythm pattern on my drum and I'm absolutely filled with adoration for God and for the gift of sound.  I stand here, literally surrounded by instruments strewn about my living room, and having the time of my life.  (I can assure you that anyone listening wouldn't be enjoying it quite the same way.  It'd be like a torture method of some sort.  They would end up giving me all their information before the hour was up.)

But what am I supposed to do with this?  I'm just kind of asking, that's all.  Because later this afternoon, I watched some videos of professionals perform pieces from Mozart, Debussy, Lecuona, Bach and even some Paul Baloche, and my enjoyment in playing kind of died.  I realized how untalented I actually was and suddenly it wasn't fun anymore.  I felt inadequate and useless and was suddenly angry that for the last 20 years of my life, my desire to play and practice was constantly oppressed.  What if I hadn't quit 20 years ago?  What if I had continued to practice my piano and flute and violin and stuff?  I was angry but also sad.  So sad about what could have been.  And I determined that I would spend the next 20 years making up for lost time.

And just now, after all this rambling and nonsense, I've just come to an understanding, while Damisela Encantodor plays cheerfully in the background.  I realized that focusing on the "performance" aspect of music is what killed the love God had placed in my heart for this gift.  And so now I've decided that it's okay that I keep much of my music to myself.  Because if I had to be "good enough" for others, I would likely fail and all my enjoyment would vanish.  Huh, okay. Whatever.

But part of me is still wondering how I can use this love of music to honor God and draw others into acknowledging His goodness towards us.  I don't have a conclusion on this post.  It really is just a bunch of rambling, like I said.  I usually have a point in my blogs, but this time, I just want to encourage you to think about the element of music in your life; it's purpose and it's meaning and how you (and I) can use it to paint a picture of God's love for humanity with it.  Because there is a sacred purpose and I don't want to miss it.

That's all.












And not that it really matters, but some of you will ask.  The 7 instruments are: piano, flute, voice, djembe, violin, guitar, & ukulele.  For my New Year's Eve festivities, I wrote each instrument down on a piece of paper and tucked each one into a tiny unmarked red envelope.  Then I shuffled them around and my daughter wrote times on each envelope (5:00, 6:00, 7:00, etc until midnight).  At the top of each hour I would open the envelope to see which instrument I'd be playing that hour.  It was really actually very fun.  And I rung in the New Year with my own music.   :-)