the air I breathe

After I put the kids to bed last night, I came back downstairs to my favorite spot in front of the fireplace to spend some time with God.  That's pretty much my standard habit, unless I'm utterly exhausted and I end up going to sleep when the kids do, so my kids know my patterns and yet they still test me.  About 10 minutes after I settled myself in my cozy chair and began my devotion, my daughter tiptoed down the stairs, "Mommy?" she inquired softly.  My quick (yet gentle) response was a simple, "No."  And she went back up the stairs because she knows; she was just testing me, like I said.  She'd had her cuddles, she had her story, her prayer, her lullaby, her kisses and everything she needed from me but she wanted more.  Part of me felt bad that I was pushing her away. But part of me didn't.

She came back downstairs a few minutes later and I had to tell her "no" again.  And explain (for the hundredth time in her life) that this is Mommy's time now and that when she interrupts it, she is interfering with my ability to be a good parent and be patient and all that jazz.  She knows.  She's been hearing me say this for years.  When I was married, I did the same thing.  Preserving time to spend with a spouse is a must when having children.  If you can't foster the most sacred union of the home, your home is bound to sustain some noticeable damage.  A lot of mothers tend to put their needy children above their spouses because they see children as helpless and in need of care. But I would encourage the perspective that the marriage union is in even more need of care than the children.

I don't have an earthly husband but my children know that Jesus is my husband and they make reference to that truth all the time.  So when I tell them that I need to spend time with God, they do get it, but they just still continue to push it, occasionally.  And I understand that's how kids are but I had to stop and wonder if, perhaps, I was neglecting them and they were trying to tell me that.

I'm trying to figure out how much time with God is enough and wondering if there indicators that say I'm missing out on some crucial mothering moments.  I don't know if my blog readers recognize that I don't actually write with a purpose sometimes; I just write, looking for answers and the answers just kind of show up while I'm writing. So this is my journey to figure out when I've spent enough time with God and when I need to step out of that spiritual world and into the physical one.  Cause I'll be honest, I could hang out and talk to God and study His stuff all day long.

I spend hours a day studying, writing, praying, searching.  Part of the benefit of not having to share my time with another adult is that I get all that time with God, alone.  But even when I was married, I was up into the night, in the early morning hours, while the kids napped, etc.  In other words, if you want to spend time with God, you will find the time.

But like I said, at what point does it become something that consumes me in an unbalanced way?  I understand the value of going to God before I try to parent but is it possible I'm spending too much time in prayer?  Okay, yes, I see how silly that sounds.  After all, the Bible tells us to pray at all times (1 Thes 5:17).  But you know what I'm saying, right?

The floor in my kitchen is due for a washing (last week!)  I need to replace the pump on the downstairs toilet.  My music books need to be reorganized.  My favorite shirt needs to be mended.  My garage fridge needs to be cleaned out.  I need to finish painting the kitchen.  My plants need to be trimmed and cleaned.  And don't even get me started on the yard work!  And so on and so forth.  So many things that are constantly in need of being done and yet, when I have a moment, I would rather talk to God or pick up an instrument or sit down and write about what I've just learned about Him.  As a result, the to-do list gets targeted only periodically, and yet it continues to grow.

It seems like I only devote enough time to keeping up with the daily tasks of all the animals and the food prep and laundry and vacuuming and errands and schoolwork and whatever.

No, I'm not necessarily feeling overwhelmed or anything (although, I seriously need to wash my kitchen floor).  I'm just taking some time to reflect on the balance.

Well shoot, I was really rather hoping I would have come to some conclusion by now instead of just rambling on and on.


Hmmm... okay.


I've admitted, before, that Bible verses are periodically placed in my heart's mind and I am always eager to look them up to see if they apply.  I can't say it's a hit-and-miss type situation, either.  It's always a hit, so thank you, God, for that gift!

Just as I was typing "rambling on and on..." Ecclesiastes 4:12 kind of showed up.  I was like, Really?  Ecclesiastes?  I can't even remember what that book is about.  But check it out:

The verse says, Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  

Okay, that's just cool.  Big smile in my heart and on my face right now.

The truth is that when I do not seek God's presence, I am very easily overpowered and overwhelmed and I can hardly handle the level of work that I need to be doing. Those feelings impact my patience with my children, my joy, my rest, my interactions with others, my everything.  And so in spite of all this work I have to do, the fact that I am not overwhelmed by it is an indication that God is with me and I am not alone.  Huh.  That's really cool.

A cord of three strands... initially I thought about how amazing and wonderful it would be to be united in Christ with a partner but since that's not my reality right now, my mind wandered to the Trinity.  They are unbreakable. They are the cord of three strands that I want to invite into my life.  I want to weave myself into that strand and just kind of nestle myself into their strength.

What a lovely thought.  What a peaceful and restorative and hopeful objective.

I still don't know if I'm spending too much time with God and not enough time in the real world, but for now, I'm content with this conclusion.

I share my journey as a testimony but also as an encouragement for those I love.  And so I offer this counsel: if you are feeling overwhelmed or burdened, sit down, put up your feet and rest in His presence for a bit.  It's okay to put the kids in their rooms for a while and tell them to be quiet.  It's okay to let the dishes stack up in the sink for a few hours.  It's even okay to let the cats or chickens go without their food for an hour or so.  It's not going to kill them to wait a bit longer.  I'm not saying you should neglect your responsibilities, but too many people make their responsibilities their priority and then run out of time to actually breathe.

Airlines understand it.  Why can't we?  Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.  They have to state it, otherwise parents would be quick to tend to their own children's needs first and then the airplane would be left with a bunch of inexperienced children fending for themselves while all the intelligent adults were passed out.  That's so silly.  Such a silly thing we do.

Take the time to breathe.  I promise I will too.