I just completed an intense 2 1/2 week prayer project and feel an incredible sense of peace. I thought, when God invited me to pray (see devoted to prayer) that it was for the sake of the other individual. Like they were somehow in need of some special prayer. I thought, What's so special about this person? Are they really that important? Well, everyone's important and everyone is special and everyone needs and deserves prayer. But I wonder how many of these prayers were meant for the individual and how many were for me.
For example, partway through the praying project, I suddenly found myself extremely frustrated and disregarded by this person. It was rather hurtful and I was all ready to assume to understand the reasons behind their actions. I felt inadequate and useless and was pretty sure that if I had addressed the issue with them, it would not have gone well. Luckily, God and I already had some open communication arranged and I went to Him first. He soothed my wounded heart and offered me insights that helped me realize that my self-focus was preventing me from seeing the full picture. One or two conversations with God about it and suddenly I was fine. No longer frustrated, but more trusting, more patient and more happy.
And that's when I had to laugh and say to God, "This project is not for the other person, is it? It's for me." I suppose, in a way, it's for the other person since God working on my heart and my responses means that they will have less to put up with from me. But I have a strong suspicion that it was me that God was hoping to change.
Throughout this mini-journey, God opened my eyes to errors in my thinking, errors in my actions and even errors in the words I had been speaking. I was humbled, I was schooled, I was encouraged and I was given hope and direction.
Did the prayers change the other person? Did they really experience less fear? Did they find it easier to turn to God for direction? Were their past pains magically healed? Did their character improve in the areas in which I prayed? I have no idea. This individual doesn't even know I'm praying for them like this. If they experienced an increase in the presence of the Holy Spirit, they wouldn't know where it came from.
It would be nice if the things I prayed for actually took place. That would be freaky cool. But like with any prayer I pray, I understand that God answers them in His time, in His way. And to expect a particular result would be to limit God's hand and maybe even negatively affect my faith. So I can't know, for certain (if even ever) if these prayers were answered.
But I can tell you, with conviction, that the prayers were powerful and meaningful and life-changing, for me.
So many people claim that their prayers aren't answered; that they only seem to go up as high as the ceiling. But that's because they're looking for expected outcomes. I had one person make an observation about my praying relationship with Jesus, recently. They said, "Well, it didn't do you any good. You still ended up divorced."
They assumed that God didn't answer my prayers. But He did. I didn't even know what I needed or what I wanted; I only knew I needed help. Was a divorce God's first choice? Well, of course not. Most of how the world is functioning is not His first choice. But God leads people to where they need to be; to where they will be of the most use for His kingdom.
I understand that many have condemned me because of my divorce and have even rejected me as a follower of God because it could never be God's will for someone to be divorced. I've dealt with my fair share of condemnation. But that response simultaneously gives me too much credit while also limiting God. They think that I was solely responsible for the failure of that relationship. Wow. Thanks for thinking I have so much power, but then again, no thanks. And then by assuming that a prayer should be answered only one way, they limit God. How little we understand about His will and His ways. But how quick we are to assume to know His intentions.
But what if the answers to prayers have nothing to do with the outcomes and everything to do with our hearts? What if when we prayed we didn't lay out a preset expectation for how God should answer the prayer? What if we prayed just to talk to God about it? What if we prayed as a way of sharing our heart and our concerns and our fears and our hopes? How would that change our faith?
Well, it would make it stronger, obviously. Because when our prayers weren't answered as we expected, our faith would not come under fire. The enemy could no longer use that against us. He couldn't taunt us with arguments like, "Well, He didn't answer your prayers. I guess that means He doesn't love you. Or it means you are imperfect and He won't listen to you. Or maybe it means you deserve the bad that happens to you." Ugh, just disgusting. I hate how the devil uses unanswered prayers to further weaken our faith in a loving God.
But if we prayed for the sake of relationship, every single prayer would then be answered.
I'm not saying we can't ask God for things and wait expectantly as He prepares to answer them. We should and we do and God does answer prayers as we expect sometimes. But the joy of prayer, and the faith that is developed as a result, is in the communication between us and God.
I just wish that the world understood this. I wish they didn't make judgments about God's involvement in our lives based on expected outcomes. Because they end up missing SO much in the meantime. And to miss out on a faith relationship with God would certainly be the most devastating thing. I don't wish that kind of emptiness on anyone; it's a dark and cold and lonely place to be. Trust me; I speak from experience. But the warmth and the love and the hope that surrounds me when I spend time in relationship with Him, that will produce the most results.
So yes, God did answer my prayers about my marriage. He brought me to a place of understanding and healing and joy and hope that had not existed before. I have never - in my entire life - experienced more of the presence of God and His joy than when I belonged to Him alone. But don't think He hasn't grieved the loss of my marriage, as have I. He just can't force people into His will. It's just not something He is able to do; goes against His very grain.
And this time too, He has answered my prayers on behalf of this individual for whom I've been praying. They may not have reaped any direct results from the actual prayers, but they have gained a friend that is more committed to God, more sensitive to their needs, more patient with their hang-ups and more dedicated to spreading God's love.
Sounds like a very useful project, after all. Can't wait to start on the next one...
No comments:
Post a Comment